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Black Weasel here, back with more hilarity. So basically I was wondering how you all feel about bandits being arrogant and saying... stuff.. So I made a poll.

Gotta be archery. Bandits are so weak i love killing them by shooting them in places that wouldn't be kill shots. No BOOM HEADSHOT here, more like, TWANG FOOTSHOT

I love to revive them and kill them again. Sometimes if they really give me attitude and I'm in a bad mood I use dead thrall and kill them over and over and over and over again until they learn their lessons. It's funny to hear them say "thank you" or "free at last" when I kill them and then do an evil laugh and say "not yet you fool"

When I find an annoying individual I always, after their death, place their corpse into a shameful position or throw the body at a place that no one will be able to find. Sometimes I put their corpses into fireplaces or throw them in lakes/rivers.

If I have a powerful Necromancer spell then I use it on them, too. But that's not a popular option.

Where's the pacifist option?

Go beast mode and induct them into the SANA with their first trip to the Aether.

legoless wrote:Where's the pacifist option?

Sorry. I was not aware that there were any pacifistic skyrim players.. I guess that option would be calm them and walk away?

I don't bother to talk to them. I like to find them, sneak up and slice their throats. I never tire of that cut scene. I will re-visit know bandit areas that I have previously cleaned, just so I can trigger the cut scene.

'Festus III: "I don't have time for this."

Bandit: "Don't you walk away from me!"

5 seconds later: 'Festus III walks away from Bandit's looted corpse

I love it when a bandit using iron weapons and fur armor will threaten me when i'm wearing dragonbone armor and hefting a ebony shield and sword

They never really get the chance to taunt me ;)

I just wanted to share their fire for a spell. Big meanies.

I like to toy with bandits. A little bit of fear spell goes a long way, then you hunt them down like the lowly cowards they are. So much fun slicing them or burning them while they scream in agony.

Offer them amnesty, forty acres, and a mule, in return for a promise to take up a peaceful life of farming, while paying a larger-than-average crop tax of 15% for five years to pay their debt to society.

Show up in the middle of the night with hold troops a few months later, clap them in irons and cart them off to the Markarth silver mines.

Will Zurmacht wrote:Offer them amnesty, forty acres, and a mule, in return for a promise take up a peaceful life of farming, while paying a larger-than-average crop tax of 15% for five years to pay their debt to society.

Show up in the middle of the night with hold troops a few months later, clap them in irons and cart them off to the Markarth silver mines.

That only invites the possibilty that they'll spit nine from the LeMat before they bleed out from an half-dozen .30 caliber lung shots.
I finished Red Dead Redemption. I rock.

Dark Spark wrote:I just wanted to share their fire for a spell. Big meanies.

Strange I like to let bandits share my fireball.

Well, funnily enough this was how I became a brain surgeon...

I like the cast calm and fus ro dah, haha. However, the Killing them after you reanimating them sounds very tempting.

TomDD wrote:Well, funnily enough this was how I became a brain surgeon...

yeah I just created other medical professions to link skills


Axe/Battleaxe: Amputating Specialist
Sword/Greatsword: Invasive Surgery Specialist
Mace/Hammer: already said
Fire: Cremator
Shock: Heart Attack Specialist
Frost: Cryo-Stasis specialist
Archery: Implant Specialist
Dagger: Probing specialist
Unarmed: Chirophractor

The Black Weasel wrote:

legoless wrote:Where's the pacifist option?

Sorry. I was not aware that there were any pacifistic skyrim players.. I guess that option would be calm them and walk away?

I like to either;
• Walk up to them so they turn hostile, then start walking away while my permanent atronachs (flame- & frost thrall) deals with them.
• Same as above, but replace the atronachs with two dremora lords.

Like the pacifist way, the fun part is to do all of it while walking calmly.

TomDD wrote:Well, funnily enough this was how I became a brain surgeon...

Dark Spark Fun Fact #1: Brain surgeons do most of their work on the spinal column.

Dark Spark Fun Fact #2: So do I...

Well, bandits and Thalmor don't differ much in arrogancy so I deal with them anyway I want. My favourite: Burn them, finish them off with a smack to the skull (with a mace or warhammer), raise them, Stabby McStab, and right before they are dead, Fus Ro Dah them somewhere (preferably off a cliff).

There's no "Boil 'em. Mash 'em. Stick 'em in a stew..." option in the poll.
Many a Bosmer is disappointed.

Dark Spark wrote:There's no "Boil 'em. Mash 'em. Stick 'em in a stew..." option in the poll.
Many a Bosmer is disappointed.

only if the bandit was bosmer themselves, at least according to the lore

I turn their bones to ash.