Bob Wars

[Leilah]

I'm sure I can come up with something that suits your abilities, if you're willing to join my empire?

[Dark Lord Cam]

Welcome to the Galaxy Bob.

Dozens of tiny space faring civilizations have sprouted up all over the place and dozens more can spring up at any time. There is one thing all of these tiny groups have in common though...

Massive surges of energy have beamed to points all over the galaxy. One such signal arrives near your own home world. Upon initial inspection you realise whatever the signal holds, it's been encrypted heavily, but you think your top scientists could unravel the secrets. What information or message the signal holds, you don't know. What you do know is.. you're not alone in the galaxy.



Rules:
No Weapons of Mass Destruction. They make the game too easy.

Wars can be declared at any time for any reason but their conclusion will be based on whoever can write the most epic/funny/creative sounding final battle. The opponent that concedes this fact automatically surrenders.

Speeches:
All Planetary leaders can make speeches on any topic at any time.

Requirements for admission:
Name of Civilization
Job Title
Description of Civilization

Also,

Anyone can jump in as the advisor/general of any existing civilization. Nothing wrong with spies...

[KalleFlaxx]

I'm sure I can come up with something that suits your abilities, if you're willing to join my empire?

Well, I'm a bit torn. Cam feels like he would be a good ruler, but if I join you, the world will probably be practically drowning in cheesecake...
I think I'll have to give this some thought... (<- Meaning I'm awaiting bribes.)

[Dark Lord Cam]

You can either be General of the Glorious Darkovian Army, or the Head Chef at the Cheesecake factory....

[KalleFlaxx]

You can either be General of the Glorious Darkovian Army, or the Head Chef at the Cheesecake factory....

That is probably the most difficult decision I've made, and will ever make...

[Leilah]

Head Chef comes with a robotic spider-stomping assistant

[HatofMadness]

My services are offered to the highest bidder.

[Dark Lord Cam]

My services are offered to the highest bidder.

Want to be Head of the Ministry of Love?

[KalleFlaxx]

Sounds tempting, but still, working in a kitchen isn't really my thing, now that I think about it. I like to eat food, and cheesecake of course, but I don't really like making food.
Let's see if Cam has anything interesting to suggest.

[Leilah]

Making food, preparing artillery, it's all the same on Anzellia.

[Jeff]

It'd take that spider-stomping robot if I were you: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nGkOyYwhpcE

[Dark Lord Cam]

I offer you your own Bear Cav Regiment.

http://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/i ... avalry.jpg

[King Acunasti]

Any positions involving monkeys?

[Leilah]

Any positions involving monkeys?

Of course.

Chief Grenade-Hurling Monkey. You're in charge of the entire regiment.

[King Acunasti]

I may have to form my own civilization...

[Leilah]

Fine then, go ahead and make a Planet of the Apes

[HatofMadness]

Are they're any wild bulbasaur i could catch in either civilzation?


A bulbasaur could be handy in the kitchen..

[Leilah]

Come up with a good title that combines Bulbasaurs and food, and you might just have a job

[Dark Lord Cam]

The People's Republic of Darkovia

Title: El Presidente Khan

Description: A system spanning government founded on the principles of love, peace, and equality. Just don't anger the elite. Darkovia has managed to colonize it's entire Kal System and is well on it's way toward mining the asteroid belt surrounding it's star system.

Planets -
Darkov - Homeworld
Kal 4, 5, and 6 - Colonies


Darkovia maintains a standing Military at all times ready to put down any insurrection, invasion, or dissent.

Army: The Soldiers of the Darkovian Military are in charge of all long term ground engagements.
http://wh40k.lexicanum.com/mediawiki/im ... _Glory.jpg

Navy: The Darkovian navy boasts an undefeated record in all past engagements
http://download.fredmunro.co.uk/stargat ... ssover.jpg

Marines: The premier fighting force of the Republic. These soldiers are well armored, armed, and trained. All who face them fear them.
http://images.elfwood.com/art/e/r/ericmagie/marine6.jpg

Colonial Guard:
These are the men in charge of all official civil duties. They maintain order on the colonies and the homeworld and are in place to ensure a strong defense in case of any threat.
http://images3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb2 ... forcer.jpg

Presidential Guard:
An elite force tasked with the job of protecting El Presidente.
http://wh40k.lexicanum.com/wiki/File:Steel.jpg

The Cabinet- A group of advisors ready to suggest plans and policy to the Presidente of the Republic.

All hail Darkovia!

[Cactus]

Civilization: Cactus Empire
Title: Sir Ricky F Cactus II CCE, Cactus King and Emperor of the Cactus Empire, soverign ruler of Cactopia, Lord and High Master of the Order of the Cactus
Description: The Cactus Empire is a powerful government which rules over the various planets in the Sirius star system, a binary system. The current central area of government is the bizarre island nation of Cactopia that freely floats in space near the second star in the binary cluster, Sirius B. Though formerly known as Never Never Land, it was long ago conquered by the Cactus Empire. The government itself is strange and difficult to describe as it changes constantly according to the mood of the emperor, known as the Cactus King. It is primarily an autocracy. Usually. I shall now skip ahead and make my first real post. I win like that.


"Patsy!"
"Yes, your majesty?"
"Take this down."
"Of course, sire."
"All persons found flogging penguins will be banned from entering the horse race on Rebok III."
"Um... yes, sire. Is this to be a public announcement?"
"Quite right, Patsy."

Patsy left the room with memo in hand whilst his master attempted to expertly twirl a large pencil in his fingers. It wasn't working out, so he broke the pencil and threw it to the ground. He began pacing back and forth before finally yelling at a mirror to get out of his room. When the other person refused he walked away in a huff making a mental note to have the incredibly handsome man beaten and chained in the town square. A red light on his desk started blinking.

"What the devil is that?"

No one answered him since he was alone in the room, so he decided to investigate. At his desk he looked at the red light. It turned out to be connected to some sort of red mechanical device that looked like an old fashioned rotary dial phone. Upon closer inspection he realised it was indeed an old rotary phone.

"How very strange" he announced to the empty room. "Strange indeed" the empty room replied. He spun around glaring, but realised he must have been talking to himself. He turned back to the phone which was making an odd vibrating noise each time the light was lit. He decided to try something crazy. He picked up the phone.

"Um, hello?"
"Is this the Emperor?"
"What? Oh, yes, this is the Cactus speaking.."
"Excellent, your majesty. I have interesting news, sire."
"There's a red rotary phone on my desk."
"Um.. yes, sire. I know."
"Just making sure."
"Sir, I've just received a very strange message."
"Oh yes, that message. You think it's going to far, not letting them join the horse race?"
"What the hell? Um, your majesty?"
"You're not talking about penguin flogging?"
"No, sir, I'm not. I'm talking about a message we've just gotten from space."
"Space?"
"Yes, your majesty. If you look up at night you'll see stars. That whole black area and all, that's space."
"That's remarkable! What's the message say?"
"We don't know, sire. It's heavily encrypted."
"Oh, that's too bad. Oh well. Maybe next year, eh?"
"What?! No, sire, listen. I suggest we attempt to decrypt it to see what the message says."
"Why?"
"To.. see what the message says, sire? This is a message from space, sire. Extraterrestrials!"
"What? ALIENS!? We're under attack?!"
"Sire, please calm down. No. It's just a message."
"It won't burn me?"
"No, sire. Listen, I'm going to decode it. I'll let you know what it says."
"If you think it best."
"Good bye, Emperor."
"Yes. Quite right."

[KalleFlaxx]

It'd take that spider-stomping robot if I were you: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nGkOyYwhpcE

That is actually pretty damn hilarious.

Hm... Spider-stomping robot, or bear cavalry... Why do you have to make it so hard!?

[HatofMadness]

Wow this could be epic. If i could fully understand it, i may create a personal masterpiece

[King Acunasti]

Planet: Primanthia
Civilization: The Monkey Monarchy

Job Titles: King of the Monkey Monarchy, Overlord of the Five Cercopithecoid Realms, Head of Primate Research and Genetic Fortification, Ruler of the Swelling Stars

Description: Primanthia is a dreadful planet that is painted with thick an nearly uninhabitable rainforests that are divided into five “Cercopithecoid Realms”:

1. Maurder - the Realm of the Apes

2. Euron - the Realm of the Old World Monkeys

3. Norta - the Realm of the New World Monkeys

4. Antarn - the Realm of the Arctic Monkeys

5. Tazar - the Realm of the Desert Monkeys

Maurder, Euron, and Norta are complete jungles. Monsters that men and women dream about in their nightmares live in these harsh and destructive realms. Antarn is a frozen rainforest covered with ice and snow. Only creatures suited for such extremely low temperatures are able to survive here. Tazar is a dry and sizzling desert. Very few organisms are able to live in this terrible region without proper equipment.

Primanthia is ruled directly by King Hanuman Acunasti - the tyrannical Overlord of the Five Cercopithecoid Realms. Acunasti’s “Monkey Monarchy” stretches across the entire planet. The natives of Primanthia are the Monkans - large, powerful, and merciless monkeys with human-like abilities and weapons. Monkans are carnivorous. They often butcher their war prisoners and preserve them for food. Acunasti encourages competition and violence within his kingdom. It strengthens his military and desensitizes his soldiers when they are still young.

The Monkey Monarchy has a series of fortified colonies on the seven moons that surround the planet of Primanthia. These colonies are known as the “Swelling Stars”. Acunasti has satellites based on the Swelling Stars that supervise the planet’s activities and keep watch for enemies from other planets.

King Acunasti has recently invested billions into the creation of new war machines and catastrophic technology for the defense against attacking enemies and for the attack against defending enemies. The military is divided into four parts:

Royal Army of the Five Cercopithecoid Realms - The Royal Army of the Five Cercopithecoid Realms is both admired and feared by the denizens of Primanthia and many other civilizations. They go through intense training from birth and are taught to show no mercy in remorse in any situation.
http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2699/403 ... 8e77c1.jpg

Navy of Primates - The Navy of Primates is small, yet universally feared. Known for their speed and devastating artillery, the Monkey Monarchy’s enemies are sure to wet their pants when the Navy enters the battle
http://starbrightillustrations.com/blog ... etail3.jpg

Monkey Marines - Masters of agility, physical strength, accuracy, and guerilla warfare, the Monkey Marines are naturally adapted to all environments and are specially bred for their careers in the military. They are the elite of the Monkey Monarchy and are excruciatingly trained to never surrender.
http://www.games-creators.org/images/9/ ... oldier.gif

Cercopithecoid Tong - The Cercopithecoid Tong is a covert, government-fronted organization of lethal assassins with prodigious skills in the arts of stealth and assassination. These assassins’ combination of human and monkey attributes and abilities place them among the most deadly killers alive.
http://themonkeyninja.com/images/monkey ... 2_863m.jpg

[King Acunasti]

To anyone who is interested in siding with the MONKEY MONARCHY, I am willing to offer you the position of Governor of the Swelling Stars.

[Dark Lord Cam]

Watch the double posts!

Also, you can all start RPing now.