Spanking [Y/N]

[Veck]

No, it's not right. No, I'm not going to elaborate.

[The Raven]

There are other ways to punish your kids. Using violence will make them resent you for it and somebody shouldn't have to endure physical pain. You shouldn't teach your children that violence is the best way to solve a problem.

Depends on the kid. I was spanked, my dad is sitting next to me atm and I don't hate him.

[Rose of Sithis]

but that only instills fear...

I can't be the only kid who didn't say "AH I'M AFRAID OF MY PARENTS NOW" the first time they spanked me.

[Leyyuce]

What's preventing him from creaming someone later on if thinking he can get away with it, then?

[scribbane]

I keep seeing it said here that spanking causes fear. I don't agree. If you're spanking properly, its nothing to be afraid of, its just something you don't want. You can be afraid to do something because you don't want to get spanked, but replace "get spanked" with "get in trouble" and its the same thing. If you are getting spanked to the point that you are afraid of the spanking, then its called a beating at that point, and thats not good.

[MARS]

Re: Spanking and raising children:

You can't make a generalization like that. Not all children are the same, and not all of them require the same methods. Every child is different, and there are so many factors to consider on top of that. What did the kid do? Did it simply disobey you when you told it to do something simple or did it wreck the entire house?

I recall being hit on the hand with a stick by my mom, but not why. So I asked her about it, years later.

"Mom, why the [&@%!] did you hit me with a stick when I was little?"

It was because I kept sticking my fingers into plugs. My mom was saving my life 10 times a day by hitting me. Good deal, if you ask me.

Other than that, I was never spanked. I soon discovered that I could just not do my homework, so I started doing that. My parents kept trying to set me right, but it never worked, since I wasn't intimidated by them at all. All I thought was "lol suckers, I ain't doin' nothin'"

When my mom did slap me because I hadn't done my homework again (years after the whole thing had started), I wasn't impressed at all and just went on not doing anything. I've managed to weasel my way through life with this mentality until now, but it's becoming increasingly harder. I can honestly say that I wish my parents had set me straight, spanking or not.

Take my sister on the other hand. Same upbringing: No spaking, no nothing. She does her homework, usuallly does as she's told and is an overall acceptable daughter. How'd that work out? I'd say because she's not like me, and my parents' intended parenting method actually worked on her.

So you see, people should drop the "one right way" mentality. It's your goddamn kid, you should know how to raise it to be a proper person. If you don't know, find out. That's your job as a parent.

[HatofMadness]

If you are getting spanked to the point that you are afraid of the spanking, then its called a beating at that point, and thats not good.

Yea there is a reason it's called a spanking and not a punch in the face.

[Sparky]

If the parents show them it's right, and if you look up to your parents, then the child thinks it is gong to be right too.

But Mars, there is other ways to save people's lives than hitting them.

[Derp53]

but that only instills fear...

I can't be the only kid who didn't say "AH I'M AFRAID OF MY PARENTS NOW" the first time they spanked me.

no it's a gradual and complicated psychological process, or i'm just derping

@scribbane- i guess it really depends on the family, i was never hit, my parents never a gave me a reason to misbehave, and if i did they always told me why it was bad, seems more productive when both parents and child have a healthy relationship where they can come a conclusion together. or something like that

[MARS]

But Mars, there is other ways to save people's lives than hitting them.

Text me when you've taught your toddler why it shouldn't touch electricity.

[Rose of Sithis]

no it's a gradual and complicated psychological process, or i'm just derping

I'm going to learn towards the latter. No real reason, I just feel like I should.

[scribbane]

@scribbane- i guess it really depends on the family, i was never hit, my parents never a gave me a reason to misbehave, and i did they always told me why it was bad, seems more productive when both parents and child a healthy relationship where they can come a conclusion together. or something like that

Believe me, 95% of my discipline as a child was a some form of talk. I was sent to my room, grounded, had something taken away, etc, but my parents would explain why. But sometimes it just warranted a spanking. I still got the talk afterwards, but the spanking was much more effective than, no Sega for 2 weeks.

I can't be the only kid who didn't say "AH I'M AFRAID OF MY PARENTS NOW" the first time they spanked me.

I agree.

[Kerr]

I do think violence can in some cases be an acceptable means to do good. However in this situation you don't need to use it.

[Sparky]

But Mars, there is other ways to save people's lives than hitting them.

Text me when you've taught your toddler why it shouldn't touch electricity.

Actually, when my neighbor's kid was over at my house, we had plans to play outside, but we was playing with an outlet. I physically took his hand away from there, (that was as physical as it got) and didn't do anything the rest of the day except talk to him about how dangerous it was. This was about threee years ago, and he is still alive, not fried to a crisp.

[Leyyuce]

@Scribbane: Regardless, the end result, when spanking is deemed necessary, is a child who avoids a certain behavior only/or in part due to the possibility of punishment- I believe a parent should attempt to instill a sense of right and wrong in their child rather than reiterate the consequences of an action.

[MARS]

Actually, when my neighbor's kid was over at my house, we had plans to play outside, but we was playing with an outlet. I physically took his hand away from there, (that was as physical as it got) and didn't do anything the rest of the day except talk to him about how dangerous it was. This was about threee years ago, and he is still alive, not fried to a crisp.

My mom tried talking to me too. Didn't work, because I'm a stubborn [&@%!]. Read my post again. There's a reason I included this anecdote.

[Sparky]

I do think violence can in some cases be an acceptable means to do good.

I agree with Kerr again.

[HatofMadness]

Violence can do good, but you guys are worried about a lil spankin on the ass?

[The Raven]

Violence can do good, but you guys are worried about a lil spankin on the fanny?

fanny means pussy in britain, hat....

[HatofMadness]

Well...learn something new everyday. Post edited.

[scribbane]

@Scribbane: Regardless, the end result, when spanking is deemed necessary, is a child who avoids a certain behavior only/or in parts due to the possibility of punishment- I believe a parent should attempt to instill a sense of right and wrong in their child rather than reiterate the consequences.

But if I'm understanding that right, then you think that punishing your child isn't as effective as a talk? Because that's all spanking is, a punishment. It's more severe than not giving them dessert, but a punishment nonetheless. I think that if you never punish your kids and only talk to them, they won't learn anything from it. They'll know that there are no consequences for their actions except for a lecture and keep right on going.

You show them that if they do something, they get in trouble, and you explain to them, I think they're more likely to learn. You need both, punishment and explanations. Stray too far to either end of the spectrum and you're in trouble.

[Jeff]

All great and wonderful... but how do you talk to a toddler who has not learned to speak yet?

Sometimes that slap on the hand, when they reach for the power outlet, or a slap on the behind when they are misbehaving is all that you have.

There is also the tone in your voice, which can alert them, but you may also need a slap to get the point accross. You can talk all you want, but they do not understand.

[Deandra]

My mom tried talking to me too. Didn't work, because I'm a stubborn [&@%!]. Read my post again. There's a reason I included this anecdote.

They have those flat plugs nowadays, you know.

And I'm sure plenty of folks here will think I'm a terrible parent, but I specifically allowed my daughter to hurt herself in ways that wouldn't actually cause permanent damage. I never bought those padded corners for tables and whatnot, nor did I put a fence by the stairs. If a kid does something stupid and gets a bruise or scrape from it, they'll learn not to do it a lot faster than any discipline I could provide.

If she doesn't want to eat, I let her stay hungry. Forcing a kid to eat when they don't want to seems like a terrible idea--why would you train them to stop listening to their body's hunger and fullness cues when there's an epidemic of childhood obesity? Of course, if my daughter refuses to eat what I've served, there's no way she's getting an alternative, either, which is something I see other parents doing. Some folks will even prepare 2 different dinners every day, because their kid doesn't eat "grown-up food." Are you kidding me? My kid can name a dozen vegetables she likes, and her favorite food has been sushi since about age 4.

[MARS]

I know. It was just an example.

And I think what you do is good parenting.

[HatofMadness]

.

If she doesn't want to eat, I let her stay hungry. Forcing a kid to eat when they don't want to seems like a terrible idea--why would you train them to stop listening to their body's hunger and fullness cues when there's an epidemic of childhood obesity? Of course, if my daughter refuses to eat what I've served, there's no way she's getting an alternative, either, which is something I see other parents doing. Some folks will even prepare 2 different dinners every day, because their kid doesn't eat "grown-up food." Are you kidding me? My kid can name a dozen vegetables she likes, and her favorite food has been sushi since about age 4.

Well spoke!