Here is a joke
Guy one: Knock knock?
Guy two: Who's there?
Guy one: Dragon born.
Guy two: Dragon born who?
Guy one: ...
Guy two: I don't get it.
Elder Scroll Jokes
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I EAT pain
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Re: Elder Scroll Jokes
Purple flowers! http://purpleflowers.freeforums.org/index.php
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LauZ
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Re: Elder Scroll Jokes
Your mama so fat that she is forbbiden of reading the shrine of Daring
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ZeRoc
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Re: Elder Scroll Jokes
Your mama so fat that when she jumps, the giants get sent into the atmosphere.
-----
You know, it's so great that they banned levitation spells, now people have come up with other ways to get around, like I knew a Bosmer that claimed that he could jump all the way from Valenwood to Morrowind in a single bound. I never heard back from him though.
[/bad attempt at standup]
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You know, it's so great that they banned levitation spells, now people have come up with other ways to get around, like I knew a Bosmer that claimed that he could jump all the way from Valenwood to Morrowind in a single bound. I never heard back from him though.
[/bad attempt at standup]
Hat wrote:Do you people understand how underrated ZeRoc is? Do you see this post above me?
I work at Ancestry, so does that make me an ancestor ghost?Avron wrote:Guys, do you realize just how glorious all of ZeRoc's puns are?
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Derp53
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Re: Elder Scroll Jokes
"This orchard has sentimental value to me," said Mojhad, the Khajiit, to his friend, Hasillid. "Under that tree, for example, is where I first made love. And that tree, is where her mother stood, watching us."
"She watched you while you made love to her daughter?" said Hasillid, clearly impressed. "Didn't she say anything?"
"Meow."
"She watched you while you made love to her daughter?" said Hasillid, clearly impressed. "Didn't she say anything?"
"Meow."
HatofMadness wrote:To protect the forums from devastation.
To unite all members within our nation.
To denounce the evils of truth and love.
Until our post count reaches the stars above.
Spoiler:
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enyamerT
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Re: Elder Scroll Jokes
You're strolling along the Solitude docks one evening when you hear shouting coming from the water. You look out and see General Tullius, Ulfric Stormcloak, and Ambassador Elenwen drowning in the river. You only have time enough to save one of them, so the question is:
Do you have dinner at the Winking Skeever, or take in the recital at the Bard's College first?
(a shameless adaptation of a lawyer/politician joke)
Do you have dinner at the Winking Skeever, or take in the recital at the Bard's College first?
(a shameless adaptation of a lawyer/politician joke)
"Moral relativism means never having to say you're sorry."
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GwonamAlmighty
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Re: Elder Scroll Jokes
"nevermind"
Re: Elder Scroll Jokes
I don't know if this had been said but:
Yo mama so old, she was at Adamantine Tower!
Yo mama so old, she was at Adamantine Tower!
Soyuz nerushimy respublik svobodnykh
Splotila naveki Velikaya Rus’.
Splotila naveki Velikaya Rus’.
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Dark Spark
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Re: Elder Scroll Jokes
Baurus: Our job is to get the Emperor out of situations like this. Though I'll admit, things aren't going exactly to plan.
Casandra: At the moment, the deadliest weapon at my disposal is a goblin's head on a stick. I'd be worried if this was the plan.
Casandra: At the moment, the deadliest weapon at my disposal is a goblin's head on a stick. I'd be worried if this was the plan.
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Derp53
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Re: Elder Scroll Jokes
ummmmmm ok.......Dark Spark wrote:My turn.
HatofMadness wrote:To protect the forums from devastation.
To unite all members within our nation.
To denounce the evils of truth and love.
Until our post count reaches the stars above.
Spoiler:
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Right-Hand-Of-Sithis
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Re: Elder Scroll Jokes
I'll have a go.
In Stormcloak Skyrim, Arrows take adventurers to their knees.
*Knock Knock*
Person 1: Who's there?
Person 2: Justiciars
Person 1: Justiciars who?
Person 2: We are the ones asking the questions!
And I'll repost my list of things I must no longer do in TES: (Can be found here: http://forums.uesp.net/viewtopic.php?f=38&t=33252)
1. While shooting guards in the knees increases my Archery skill and my accuracy, it is not nice nor looked well upon in the eyes of the law.
2. Locking Delphine and Arngeir in a glass room is not a spectator sport and I should not allow people to bet on the outcome by claiming it is an Arena Mod.
3. The above also applies to Galmar Stone-fist and Legate Rikke, Ulfric Stomcloak and General Tullius, or Madanach and Thonar Silver-Blood.
4. Dressing up in Thalmor robes and requesting to join the Stormcloaks is a bad idea.
5. Similarly, entering Sky Haven temple while wearing Thalmor robes is a bad idea.
6. Elenwen does not appreciate the above 2 either.
7. Just because I'm Dragonborn does not permit me to dress up in the Emporer's robes and greet random prisoners with "You are the one from my Dreams."
8. Being tied up and tortured by Arquen is not 'kinky'.
9. Lucien will testify for the above.
10. I am not to send the Circle to solstheim and scare the Skaal into thinking the Bloodmoon is upon them again.
11. Sending Ondolemar an Amulet of Talos for his birthday is not nice.
12. Elenwen is not a Dominatrix and is not for hire.
13. Titus Mede II is not my [&@%!].
14. It is wrong to spread rumors that Esbern was a childhood friend of Martin Septim.
15. I need to stop confusing Children with the Adoring Fan. Playing tag with the fan only makes him more annoying and blasting children off mountains is just wrong.
In Stormcloak Skyrim, Arrows take adventurers to their knees.
*Knock Knock*
Person 1: Who's there?
Person 2: Justiciars
Person 1: Justiciars who?
Person 2: We are the ones asking the questions!
And I'll repost my list of things I must no longer do in TES: (Can be found here: http://forums.uesp.net/viewtopic.php?f=38&t=33252)
1. While shooting guards in the knees increases my Archery skill and my accuracy, it is not nice nor looked well upon in the eyes of the law.
2. Locking Delphine and Arngeir in a glass room is not a spectator sport and I should not allow people to bet on the outcome by claiming it is an Arena Mod.
3. The above also applies to Galmar Stone-fist and Legate Rikke, Ulfric Stomcloak and General Tullius, or Madanach and Thonar Silver-Blood.
4. Dressing up in Thalmor robes and requesting to join the Stormcloaks is a bad idea.
5. Similarly, entering Sky Haven temple while wearing Thalmor robes is a bad idea.
6. Elenwen does not appreciate the above 2 either.
7. Just because I'm Dragonborn does not permit me to dress up in the Emporer's robes and greet random prisoners with "You are the one from my Dreams."
8. Being tied up and tortured by Arquen is not 'kinky'.
9. Lucien will testify for the above.
10. I am not to send the Circle to solstheim and scare the Skaal into thinking the Bloodmoon is upon them again.
11. Sending Ondolemar an Amulet of Talos for his birthday is not nice.
12. Elenwen is not a Dominatrix and is not for hire.
13. Titus Mede II is not my [&@%!].
14. It is wrong to spread rumors that Esbern was a childhood friend of Martin Septim.
15. I need to stop confusing Children with the Adoring Fan. Playing tag with the fan only makes him more annoying and blasting children off mountains is just wrong.
Resident Marxist of the UESP
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philfredobob
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Re: Elder Scroll Jokes
This one is very funny , well doneRight-Hand-Of-Sithis wrote:*Knock Knock*
Person 1: Who's there?
Person 2: Justiciars
Person 1: Justiciars who?
Person 2: We are the ones asking the questions!
My Pokemon signature :
''I HAVE ARRIVED , AND I'M FABULOUS''
''I HAVE ARRIVED , AND I'M FABULOUS''
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Right-Hand-Of-Sithis
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Re: Elder Scroll Jokes
It's just a rip off of a Gestapo joke.philfredobob wrote:This one is very funny , well doneRight-Hand-Of-Sithis wrote:*Knock Knock*
Person 1: Who's there?
Person 2: Justiciars
Person 1: Justiciars who?
Person 2: We are the ones asking the questions!
And here's a few more:
An Altmer walks into a bar, and the bartender says:
"Why the long face?"
Three Orcs walk into a bar.
As a testament to their lack of intelligence, none of them saw it.
Resident Marxist of the UESP
The Void and the Webspinner: The Shrouded War. A mod aiming to expand on Skyrim's Dark Brotherhood questline.
http://sdbm.userboard.net/
http://sdbm.userboard.net/
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philfredobob
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Re: Elder Scroll Jokes
what the hells a gestapo joke ?Right-Hand-Of-Sithis wrote:It's just a rip off of a Gestapo joke.
My Pokemon signature :
''I HAVE ARRIVED , AND I'M FABULOUS''
''I HAVE ARRIVED , AND I'M FABULOUS''
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Believe
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Re: Elder Scroll Jokes
Gestapo were the Nazi Secret Police during WW2philfredobob wrote:what the hells a gestapo joke ?Right-Hand-Of-Sithis wrote:It's just a rip off of a Gestapo joke.
*advice given by Believe does not necessarily reflect the views or opinions of UESP, its owners, staff, or users*
BetaB17 wrote:I somehow feel that if the mods were all gods.. Believe would surely be the God of Awesome and Booze
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philfredobob
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Re: Elder Scroll Jokes
Oh , i see
well , i heard this one first
well , i heard this one first
My Pokemon signature :
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MoncarBelvani
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Re: Elder Scroll Jokes
What do you call a Wood Elf in a suit?
A Bossmer.
A Bossmer.
"Defy me, and you will know what it is to stand against a god." -Vivec
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RisingSun025
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Re: Elder Scroll Jokes
What do you call a guard who can see through walls?
Qualified
What do you call an instrument to kill werewolves with?
The Rueful Sax
Qualified
What do you call an instrument to kill werewolves with?
The Rueful Sax
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CBR JGWRR
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Re: Elder Scroll Jokes
Dude, again?
Still, at least this thread's worth necroposting...
Still, at least this thread's worth necroposting...
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Avron the S'wit
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Re: Elder Scroll Jokes
Definitely do not necropost as per the forum rules, for to do so is to evoke the wrath of the S'wit.
Huzzah!
"[...] for the lives of gods are not what mortals think and matters that weigh only years to mortals weigh on gods forever."
The Tribunal Temple, Nerevar at Red Mountain
Find the S'wit:
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"[...] for the lives of gods are not what mortals think and matters that weigh only years to mortals weigh on gods forever."
The Tribunal Temple, Nerevar at Red Mountain
Find the S'wit:
ESO PC-NA: @Avron | Legends: nosoundcomes