Family and Relationship happenings thread

[SAMIAM]

he's probably just busy give it a couple days. Don't worry about it so much.

[the Savage Hippie]

Although I wouldn't want to whine, I'll say that at the moment I am really really really missing my girlfriend and I think that almost two more months seem like forever.

[Dunmer999]

Yeah I'll get through it. Just I was used to talking a lot and this was unexpected... Oh well.. I play video games to get my mind off of sad things like this, and Skyrim is the best game ever in my opinion.

[GrayFlux]

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[Eltee]

I understand what you mean. As Dostoyevsky wrote, "I don't want to embrace the tormentor!"

I've never had problems of this magnitude with my family, but, what I would say is... Try and decide in your heart whether or not he was actually sincere. If he wasn't, there's no reason forgiving him straight away. That's just like saying what he did is okay, isn't it? On the other hand, don't treat him with open hostility, just perhaps distance and coldness. Eat the food, in other words, if only for your Mom's sake.
And if you decide he's sincere... Well, I dunno.

[GrayFlux]

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[Eltee]

You know your situation best, and I have little to no experience with that sort of thing, so... Well. It still sucks, and you have every ounce of my sympathy.

[Norroen Dyrd]

I understand what you mean. As Dostoyevsky wrote, "I don't want to embrace the tormentor!"

As far as I remember (this sounds frightfully like Ivan Karamazov at any rate) the characters of Dostoevsky who had such a point of view usually ended up embracing love after a catharsic experience.
It has always been my belief that a person lives through a difficult situation not by wallowing in their misery, but by trying to wash it off by discovering some kind of positive stimulus. I for one have found great consolation in contemplating the beauty of nature. Hatred is like fossil fuel: it may give momentum to the vehicle, but it pollutes the environment. That is my opinion, of course.

[GrayFlux]

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[Eltee]

Spoiler:

That would most certainly be Ivan. While expressing the opposite of Dostoyevsky's own ideals, I think that still expresses what I'm trying to say. It's understandable to feel that way, even if it isn't the ideal way of feeling. Now I'm all muddled.
Well, Ivan is definitely a good representation of humanity... When I read Pro & Contra, I think the chapter is in The Brothers K, that was probably one the most interesting reads of my life. But... Topic...

Well... Regardless of anything, I really hope it works out okay for you.

[Norroen Dyrd]

Spoiler:

That would most certainly be Ivan. While expressing the opposite of Dostoyevsky's own ideals, I think that still expresses what I'm trying to say. It's understandable to feel that way, even if it isn't the ideal way of feeling. Now I'm all muddled.
Well, Ivan is definitely a good representation of humanity... When I read Pro & Contra, I think the chapter is in The Brothers K, that was probably one the most interesting reads of my life. But... Topic...

Well... Regardless of anything, I really hope it works out okay for you.

Spoiler:

I am glad you appreciate Russian literature. I too enjoyed reading the Karamazov Borthers - by the way, I got discussing this book as my exam task at my Russian Literature exam, which made me rejoice. I have deep respect for Dostoevsky's creativity and am fond of his books.

Anyway, I wish t GrayFlux to resolve the family situation for the best.

[Eltee]

Spoiler:

I am glad I chose War and Peace and The Brothers K for my independent study unit this year. Although I think that, now that I have read a bit of Tolstoy and Dostoyevsky, I'm obliged to read some Gogol. Got any recommendations?

[Norroen Dyrd]

Spoiler:

I am glad I chose War and Peace and The Brothers K for my independent study unit this year. Although I think that, now that I have read a bit of Tolstoy and Dostoyevsky, I'm obliged to read some Gogol. Got any recommendations?

Spoiler:

Depends on what you prefer. Gogol has a wide range of works of different genres.
Evenings on a Farm Near Dikanka is humorous and gives a good idea of Ukrainian everyday life and folk lore.
Taras Bulba is pretty interesting both from the historical point of view and that of the plot.
Short stories from the Petersburg Tales cycle, such as The Overcoat, The Portrait, and Diary of a Madman, though possessing some comical elements, invoke deep thought.

[Avron the S'wit]

Hmmmm, maybe we need a "book recommendation" thread or can expand the "what are you reading?" thread.

GrayFlux, get outside assistance. I really do believe it's best. I don't want to have to worry about anyone's safety around here!


Hippie, I know it's tough to be away from your girlfriend, but use it as a moment to re-evaluate the things you love about her! That way, when she returns, you can appreciate her in a whole new light and have a breath of fresh air in your relationship. And also use it as a moment to do some fun things for yourself, which sometimes we forget to do when our significant other is around. Why don't you spend a day or two just doing something you really like but haven't done in a while? Or try something new! That'll take your mind off of it.

[SAMIAM]

Grayflux, I hope you had a better day today. I just caught up on everything and if I were in your situation I would be frustrated and angry too The only advice I can give you is to do what is best for you. Even if he forgave you its up for you to decide if he is worthy of your forgiveness. but just remember none of this is your fault and you are not alone! you are the best person for you right now though, nobody else can tell you what to do as no one understand what its like, all we can do is offer comfort and prayers or even the simple words "I care" and right now I can tell you I do care. You can beat this! you will not be broken by him!

[the Savage Hippie]

It's an incredible task to keep the fire alive between two individuals who are separated for three months.
If anyone has experience with this? Please give me some advices. I am in constant fear of losing my girlfriend. Please, help.

[Avron the S'wit]

Hippie, best advice ever: relax!

These things are completely natural. My ex was from Turkey and would go overseas for month, where we were not only separated by an entire ocean but in different timezones. The distance was tough and the lack of communication was awful, but it really brings a fresh perspective to things. The more you obsess over losing contact the more you might become a self fulfilling prophecy. My significant other and I now don't even live in the same state and don't always talk every day, and we have a very comfortable relationship. It takes two profound individuals to ignore distance but it's entirely possible. Try my advice above!

Besides, she went away for something simple, right, and she'll be right back? Those things happen. You have to let the people you love live their own lives. That is the greatest thing about love, after all, that we can shamelessly appreciate another in all of their endeavors, no matter where they take them.

But really...relax! Everything will be fine.

[the Savage Hippie]

It's not that I'm not relaxed, but as soon as the slightest problem occur I am besides myself. Being in different timezones is not something that is not copeable though in our situation thanks to facebook.
I get your point Avron about the obsession over losing contact and I agree with you on the rest of your post, but while she's over there it's hard for me not to worry as I have way to much time (being unemployed and all that). Thus I have I spend too much time worrying. I guess what I really need is an employment or a substitute for this (a band, Skyrim, something), but all of those things seem to be out of side for me atm.

[Avron the S'wit]

Why don't you take up a hobby or try something new for a day? There are so many things in the world and it'd help keep your mind off of things!

[ReeceH]

It's an incredible task to keep the fire alive between two individuals who are separated for three months.
If anyone has experience with this? Please give me some advices. I am in constant fear of losing my girlfriend. Please, help.

Well the Savage Hippie, from experience (I have been in a long distance relationship for almost 2 years, long story but I have only seen my girlfriend for 1 month in the almost 2 years we have been dating but will be seeing her again in April), all I can really give is that if you two are dedicated to one another, and are willing to put in the effort while she is away then it will work out.

I guess there are times where I have really thought it wan't worth the hurt, but if she means what I think she does do you (and by the sounds of it she does) it will be worth it in the end. Your a braver man then I for letting her do this, kudos to you mate. Do you two use Skype or something like that so you can talk? For my girlfriend and I it has been a real saviour I think.

It's a really hard thing being in a long distance relationship, and honestly I don't think it will work for everyone. But keep at it, keep trying. I agree with Avron the S'wit, you need to relax about the whole thing. Keep yourself busy, be there to talk with her whenever you can, but the key is to keep cool. It doesn't have to be all that different from when she is right next to you. Keep busy and keep your mind active, don't let all this get you down (I know it is easy said then done).

The moment she get's back you'll realise it has all been worth it, and that you have done a really good thing for both of you I think.

[the Savage Hippie]

@Reeceh: Thank you for all your kind words ReeceH.
No, we don't use Skype, but as I mentioned earlier we are in almost constant contact through Facebook.
And also thanks for all your advices, they are truly appreciated.

@Avron: I would like to start playing in a band, but unfortunately it's not possible for us to find anywhere to rehearse. I also do a bit of different things e.g. blogging, writing, other stuff you do on a computer... to keep me occupied during the wait, but it seems as it still just isn't enough. Anyway, thanks again Avron.

[MARS]

It's an incredible task to keep the fire alive between two individuals who are separated for three months.
If anyone has experience with this? Please give me some advices. I am in constant fear of losing my girlfriend. Please, help.

Oh dear. I should probably keep my mouth shut, since I moved away and thus lost my girlfriend. Though I later found out it wasn't just that. Anyway, have you asked her how she feels about this? How often do you talk?

[the Savage Hippie]

She actually feels that the time is going slower, which I interpret as a good thing as she is occupied almost all the time.
We talk mostly everyday. Not necessarily in conversation, but just messages on Facebook, I keep her updated and she tells me how Colombia is. So it's not really that bad, yesterday was just a day of emergency. Still, I think it's a difficult task to keep the fire alive, but I think I am doing quite well though.

[MARS]

Talking every day is the key. And make sure to let her know that you want the fire to stay alive.

[ReeceH]

She actually feels that the time is going slower, which I interpret as a good thing as she is occupied almost all the time.
We talk mostly everyday. Not necessarily in conversation, but just messages on Facebook, I keep her updated and she tells me how Colombia is. So it's not really that bad, yesterday was just a day of emergency. Still, I think it's a difficult task to keep the fire alive, but I think I am doing quite well though.

Sounds to me like you are Hippie, I wouldn't worry yourself so much.