TES Series: Things That Just Don't Make Sense

lowbart · Post by **lowbart** » Tue Jan 15, 2008 6:49 pm

This is not quite the same as a "You Know You Spend Too Much Time On XYZ" thread, or a "Weirdest Things You've Seen in Cyrodiil" thread. But it will probably have a lot of the same ideas.

Basically, list the things that you've noticed in the time you've spent playing TES games that are just odd - the absence of pigs, cows, and children for example - and then, and this is the cool part, we are going to make up outlandish but plausible explanations for them.

For example, how come the beast races can wear shoes in Cyrodiil, but not in Morrowind? It's not just the conservative laws of Morrowind - there's a real biological difference in their feet. What's up with that, man?

Anyone post a question or an answer, it doesn't have to be in order like the Battleground thread.

[NOTE: "Because the developers got lazy" is obviously the easy way out and not allowed in this thread, mkay?]

Undead(-)Necro · Post by **Undead(-)Necro** » Tue Jan 15, 2008 6:59 pm

Do you have to make an awnser to your own question?

Why doesn't anybody shower/go to the toilet.

Awnser: If they all did. The Imperial sewer system wouldn't be accesable for the db mission scheduled for execution"

lowbart · Post by **lowbart** » Tue Jan 15, 2008 7:03 pm

Undead(-)Necro wrote:Do you have to make an awnser to your own question?

You can if you want, but you don't have to.

Why doesn't anybody shower/go to the toilet.

Awnser: If they all did. The Imperial sewer system wouldn't be accesable for the db mission scheduled for execution"

Maybe it's because there's no running water? I think at that time people generally washed themselves with buckets or in the river. Then again, maybe they just magic the dirt away.

Masser · Post by **Masser** » Tue Jan 15, 2008 7:13 pm

I've always wondered how a khajit inn keeper can find out about the going ons of the inner workings of the imperial palace. Answer: Everybody is telepathic.

The Tourist · Post by **The Tourist** » Tue Jan 15, 2008 7:24 pm

I was going to post a separate topic on the Ob forum, but...

Things That Don't Make Sense; in 3 Easy Steps

1. new character started. proceed to the sewer exit after some level grinding
2. a few 360 DLC's are purchased... then I fire the ol' console up... load up my new just-about-escapee... and?
3. hey presto! somehow, a character I have never met, in a place I have never been, has given me a note telling me about the Orrery. then a 'mysterious' note informs me that a relative has left me Deepscorn... then I 'hear' a rumour about a stronghold under siege... then I am told someone has left me a wizards tower... and I also 'hear' something about a pirate ship...

I wouldn't think an Altmer prisoner would have a cell phone at such a time. Plus the reception would just be terrible down there... maybe Cyrodiil has some really good cell networks? I wonder what contract he's on...

See? Nuts.

lowbart · Post by **lowbart** » Tue Jan 15, 2008 7:45 pm

masser wrote:I've always wondered how a khajit inn keeper can find out about the going ons of the inner workings of the imperial palace. Answer: Everybody is telepathic.

Maybe he has contacts in the CIA. I mean, the Blades.

TidusBlade · Post by **TidusBlade** » Tue Jan 15, 2008 7:47 pm

How everyone replies with the same thing, like they were commanded to say the same thing to everyone. And how everyone still calls you an outlander even if you have been around for years...

lowbart · Post by **lowbart** » Tue Jan 15, 2008 7:54 pm

Once an outlander, always an outlander.

As for the scripted replies... I think that could be the result of a massive Imperial-funded brainwashing campaign. Have you ever read The Manchurian Candidate? The guys from the platoon always repeat the same thing - "[insert name of protagonist here] is the warmest, kindest, most benevolent man I have ever known in my whole life." - even though they know it's not true. But it's always the exact same wording.

Then again, maybe they're just all robots hooked up to an overmind. That would explain why they all have the exact same body shape.

And hey - how come Khajits and Argonians don't have to wear underwear in Morrowind, but they do in Oblivion?

Muthsera · Post by **Muthsera** » Wed Jan 16, 2008 4:46 pm

For the question of children, I once tried to write a fanfiction about one of the gods cursing the land that no woman could bear children...

As for underwear issues in the beast races, don't you know that the Dunmer aren't as decency-minded as those Imperials?

weka · Post by **weka** » Wed Jan 16, 2008 4:50 pm

Muthsera wrote:For the question of children, I once tried to write a fanfiction about one of the gods blessing the land that no woman could bear children...

Fixed!

Muthsera · Post by **Muthsera** » Wed Jan 16, 2008 4:52 pm

In more ways than one, eh?

weka · Post by **weka** » Wed Jan 16, 2008 4:54 pm

Muthsera · Post by **Muthsera** » Wed Jan 16, 2008 4:57 pm

But wouldn't the population all die out in a lifetime, without kids?

Wait, no aging. They're all immortal, unless killed. And the price of that was choosing not to have kids!

weka · Post by **weka** » Wed Jan 16, 2008 5:04 pm

I remember hearing quite some time ago that even if humans didn't have aging to contend with, that the average expected lifespan would still "only" be about 2.5k yrs due to natural mortality through accidents etc. So they would have to be truly immortal.

But then after a few decades they'd all mostly be unconscious due to constantly trying to kill each other because they're so sick of hearing the same old lines like "I've fought mudcrabs more fearsome than you!"

But if they all died out, would that be such a bad thing anyhow?! The trees would be happy!!!

Muthsera · Post by **Muthsera** » Wed Jan 16, 2008 5:07 pm

I am the Lorax, I speak for the trees...and all the other plants that would be allowed to grow wild. Wait, the plants don't spread, either...they're all sterile!

I dunno, who would wanna be truly immortal, other than an NPC?

Oh, I'm new around here, by the way. I'm Muthsera...

r · Post by r » Wed Jan 16, 2008 8:07 pm

I've always wondered how ships get to the Imperial City waterfront despite the fact that someone's stupidly built Leyawiin across the Niben.

weka · Post by **weka** » Wed Jan 16, 2008 8:12 pm

Ah, that one's easy! Have you never had to wait for Tower Bridge to close? It's a draw-town, abit like a draw-bridge, but on abit bigger scale!!!

r · Post by r » Wed Jan 16, 2008 8:15 pm

weka wrote:Ah, that one's easy! Have you never had to wait for Tower Bridge to close? It's a draw-town, abit like a draw-bridge, but on abit bigger scale!!!

No, I try to avoid London wherever possible.

weka · Post by **weka** » Wed Jan 16, 2008 8:20 pm

Oh you so shouldn't!! Don't bother during busy times, but driving through central London in the middle of the night is one of the best things in life that really shouldn't be missed out on!!!

Тeatime · Post by **Тeatime** » Wed Jan 16, 2008 9:49 pm

weka wrote:Oh you so shouldn't!! Don't bother during busy times, but driving through central London in the middle of the night is one of the best things in life that really shouldn't be missed out on!!!

Aww, I love London...*dreamy eyes*
Why'd you have to say that? Now I'll have to add it to my "things to do before I die" list, just below emigrating to England..
My heart bleeds whenever I'm this far from London..

weka · Post by **weka** » Wed Jan 16, 2008 9:57 pm

Pop over for a visit sometime and I'll take you for a spin!!

Skogul · Post by **Skogul** » Fri Jan 18, 2008 9:29 am

Whoa, not to sound like a nag or anything, but I think the thread kinda wandered off-topic there!

Back on track:

I'd like to know how oblivious some people have to be to not notice someone with high sneak when they're crouched right in front of them, even with semi-ample lighting in the room. I did the ultimate heist quest and had a guard walk right into me, in the guard quarters, with plenty of lighting and just not even realize I was there because my sneak was 70+.

Lol, I'm sorry, but if someone dressed in all black, crouched in my quarters right in front of me, I'd notice, no matter how high their sneak skill. :p

Masser · Post by **Masser** » Fri Jan 18, 2008 12:50 pm

How does my char not get addicted to skooma? I use it quite a bit.

r · Post by r » Fri Jan 18, 2008 4:47 pm

weka wrote:Pop over for a visit sometime and I'll take you for a spin!!

What, through London? It's not really a 'spin' if you're travelling at 4mph.

weka · Post by **weka** » Fri Jan 18, 2008 4:51 pm

Hell 4mph would be a vast improvement at times!! I've taken 36 mins to travel about 500meters not far from where I’m living!

The stipulation was in the middle of the night though. I love it when London is deserted!