Hilarious (real-life) Stories...

Ayoub · Post by **Ayoub** » Sun Dec 23, 2007 9:51 pm

^^The title says it all...

When I was younger (like 7 yro) I was riding my little motor-scooter around the block (in Canada) and this girl walking her dog accidentally let go of the leash and the dog was running at me (it was a little one), howling and barking. I panicked, made a sharp turn, and fell off the scooter. Just as I was about to run for it, the dog stops right next to me while I was still lying on the ground in the middle of the road, staring at me.

Vesna · Post by **Vesna** » Sun Dec 23, 2007 9:56 pm

Heard on airplane flights:

1. "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane"

2. "Welcome aboard Southwest flight 245 to Tampa. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."

3. (After a difficult landing) " Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt. Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal."

4. "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we Hope you'll think of US Airways."

ace62394 · Post by **ace62394** » Sun Dec 23, 2007 10:57 pm

Were you on those flights?

lowbart · Post by **lowbart** » Sun Dec 23, 2007 11:08 pm

Were the last three on the same flight?

Ayoub · Post by **Ayoub** » Mon Dec 24, 2007 12:31 am

lowbart wrote:Were the last three on the same flight?

Someone must've gotten fired.

Butterknife · Post by **Butterknife** » Mon Dec 24, 2007 1:40 am

nah, humor goes a long way in de-stressing flights. I love it when the captains say something funny. It makes me forget about the fact that I'll be at the airport for a twelve hour layover on the wrong side of the country, while my bags are sent further on ahead of me.

Vesna · Post by **Vesna** » Mon Dec 24, 2007 2:11 am

ace62394 wrote:Were you on those flights?

Yes. Sadly. (My family travels a lot, as well as tons of school field trips from a special "advanced" program)

lowbart wrote:Were the last three on the same flight?

I think that the four quotes came fro 2 different flights. 1, 3, and 4 were from a flight from Atlanta to New York. The other one was from the flight to Tampa last year.

Ayoub · Post by **Ayoub** » Mon Dec 24, 2007 10:47 am

Speaking of flights, this ain't exactly a funny one but oh well. About 25 years ago my dad went on a business trip (forgot where) to somewhere far enough to require a five hour flight. At the end of the flight, they announce blah blah blah the pilot is ... and the co pilot is ... and then they said they had a new trainee, her name ... (I seriously forgot, I wasn't even alive then).

So, about 20 years later, my dad was on another business trip, on a flight going somewhere totally else, and they're like, the head pilot is [insert name of trainee from 20 years ago here].

r · Post by r » Mon Dec 24, 2007 12:46 pm

I don't seem to be able to remember most of the funny things that have happened to me. About this time last year, having been out to the union bar the previous night, I woke up on my floor wearing a Santa hat, tied up with tinsel and clutching a piece of paper with some girl's phone number on it. I imagine it was a very funny night but I couldn't remember any of it.

TrogdorCronus27 · Post by **TrogdorCronus27** » Mon Dec 24, 2007 3:55 pm

r wrote:I don't seem to be able to remember most of the funny things that have happened to me. About this time last year, having been out to the union bar the previous night, I woke up on my floor wearing a Santa hat, tied up with tinsel and clutching a piece of paper with some girl's phone number on it. I imagine it was a very funny night but I couldn't remember any of it.

That sounds like something Nathalie, oops, I mean The Old Alchemist, would do.

r · Post by r » Mon Dec 24, 2007 4:20 pm

TrogdorCronus27 wrote:
r wrote:I don't seem to be able to remember most of the funny things that have happened to me. About this time last year, having been out to the union bar the previous night, I woke up on my floor wearing a Santa hat, tied up with tinsel and clutching a piece of paper with some girl's phone number on it. I imagine it was a very funny night but I couldn't remember any of it.
That sounds like something Nathalie, oops, I mean The Old Alchemist, would do.

Maybe I am The Old Alchemist. Maybe I'm a separate element of his psyche to the one he posts as on here.

Just for the record I'm not. So here's some more funny stories, from my glamorous period as lead guitarist and dabbler in other instruments in the backing band for school musicals and such.

When we did Little Shop Of Horrors, at the bit where Audrey dies there is an absolute belter of a guitar solo - the melodic genius of Brian May meets the subtle majesty of David Gilmour. I decided that instead of sitting down on the little band balcony to play it like a good little guitarist I'd take the moment to shine. Distortion on, reverb on, Les Paul in hand, I stood up and made my way to the front of the balcony, delivering the solo in an authentic Brian May stylee - foot on the monitor, the guitar's neck pointed towards the sky, head tipped back... Everyone in the audience loved it, although after the performance the producer came up to me and told me not to do it again as it "detracted from the solemnity of the scene". I did the same thing on the other three nights of the performance.

The whole band also invaded the stage at the end of the last song on the last night. Awesome.

In a rather less glamorous performance of Charlie & The Chocolate Factory, written and acted by the year 9s with music written and performed by our tightly-knit group of wandering minstrels. As the elected bandleader I chose to bring everyone into the overture by shouting "1-2-3-4!" very loudly and play as many different instruments as I could throughout the performance - I played guitar, both normal and slide, keyboards, many different percussion instruments, keyboards and timpanis at the same time at one point, and I seem to remember picking up a bass at some point.

Anyway, at one point towards the end there was a rather emotional scene where Wonka was handing over ownership of the factory to Charlie, over which I was supposed to be playing some expressive, cinematic strings on my keyboard. Since we had a rather basic sound system the keyboard was running into my guitar amp and as a result was quite loud. When I started playing it was too loud and was drowning out the actors talking. Quick-thinking guitarist Paul reached across and switched off the amp, but it didn't occur to him that the signal was still going to the amp instead of the keyboard's speakers, regardless of whether it was on or off. Reaching across to unplug the amp lead and restore sound, he accidentally knocked out the power supply so we were both scrabbling around on the floor with me shouting "Paul, you c*nt!" at the pivotal scene of the performance. Oh well.

Vesna · Post by **Vesna** » Mon Dec 24, 2007 5:38 pm

I remember on New Year's, adults got drunk and we aquired tons of fireworks (roman candles?), and spend the entire night shooting them at each other. One of the college guys managed to set his hair on fire and one of the older (as in 30-35) set her new evening dress on fire. I'm just rolling around on the cold grass laughing at how someone would wear an evening dress to a firework shoot-out.

The next morning, we found that a large circle of the grass was burned, as well as mom's favorite rhododendron bush.

The Old Alchemist · Post by **The Old Alchemist** » Wed Dec 26, 2007 2:44 pm

I am not r.

I am Maax, High Priest of R.

TrogdorCronus27 · Post by **TrogdorCronus27** » Mon Dec 31, 2007 5:02 am

One day, we (my family and I and my brother's friend) went up north to the snow (we live in Phoenix, AZ). Anyway, we were on our way back and there was one of those "ICY" signs on the side of the road. Well, my brother's friend looked at the sign and then asked, "I-C-Y? What does that mean?"

DorostheConqueror · Post by **DorostheConqueror** » Mon Dec 31, 2007 7:46 am

Well, most of the really funny things in my life weren't really all that funny when you think about them... or at least, not all that funny to other people. There was the time I convinced my best friend he was dead (literally), the time I nearly got shot by a farmer while offroading across his lawn, the time I stole all the clothes (sans a baseball cap) out of this kid's dorm room while he was taking a shower, so he had to walk butt-naked to an adjacent building and find a cute TA to get him a pair of pants... I dunno, if I think of a good one, I'll post it.

Logius · Post by **Logius** » Mon Dec 31, 2007 12:27 pm

Was hanging out at my friend's place chatting about his two cocker spaniels and how well behaved they are around him. His wife corrected me, saying that the male belonged to her 17 year old sister (who was living with them at the time) and wasn't as well behaved as his female companion. We agreed that it was important for the dogs to recognize who was dominant in the human/canine relationship and how her husband (my college buddy) had clearly established himself as the dominant figure early on. I was impressed that the usually hyper dogs were sitting at perfect attention while we were talking. Just as I asked if her sister was doing the same with her dog, she walked in the front door. As if on cue, the male spaniel ran over (to greet her, I assumed) and we all watched in amazement as he lifted his leg and proceeded to pee on her left foot.

Apparently it wasn't the first time he'd done it. I don't think I've ever laughed so hard in my life.

TrogdorCronus27 · Post by **TrogdorCronus27** » Mon Dec 31, 2007 3:41 pm

You mean, think of a good one that won't get you banned.

nicholasenj · Post by **nicholasenj** » Tue Jan 01, 2008 2:39 pm

let's see, one of the best was the time one of my friends told another one of my friends to "rip" an empty can of "Rip It" energy drink. He obliged and almost lost the top digits of his left pinky and ring fingers. We were able to get him sewn back up in time for class. there was blood everywhere.

r · Post by r » Tue Jan 01, 2008 6:39 pm

I've got a good one from last night when I was out in Brighton for New Year's Eve. We came out of a club at about 2 o'clock in the morning and were walking back towards my mate's house, and this weird Australian guy walked past talking to himself (it's Brighton, that sort of thing happens a lot). Bearing in mind that the three of us were both spectacularly drunk, we started shouting at each other in Aussie accents, the main ones being "You f**king Pommie b*stard!" and "I could take you on any day! You've got fists the size of f**king prawns!". Then one of the other guys turned around and shouted "You f**king c**t!" at this guy in an Australian accent, and the guy just froze on the spot and just stood there staring at us. 500 metres later when we turned to walk down another road we looked around and he was still stood in the exact same spot staring at us.

On the way home one of the other guys was drinking a can of beer and he folded a car's wing mirrors in because apparently he doesn't like Audis. I thought this was very irresponsible of him so I kicked his beer out of his hand. The look on his face was priceless.

As well as the "Fists the size of prawns!" thing I seem to remember we spent most of the night pretending to smoke pipes. I wish I could remember why.

nicholasenj · Post by **nicholasenj** » Tue Jan 01, 2008 7:04 pm

sometimes I worry about you people.

TrogdorCronus27 · Post by **TrogdorCronus27** » Wed Jan 02, 2008 5:46 pm

r wrote:Bearing in mind that the three of us were both spectacularly drunk, ...

WERE?

The Old Alchemist · Post by **The Old Alchemist** » Wed Jan 02, 2008 5:56 pm

TrogdorCronus27 wrote:
r wrote:Bearing in mind that the three of us were both spectacularly drunk, ...
WERE?

I see now why we're being confused.

Vesna · Post by **Vesna** » Wed Jan 02, 2008 7:10 pm

r wrote:...the three of us were both spectacularly drunk...

So where did the third guy go in that small space of a few words?

The Old Alchemist · Post by **The Old Alchemist** » Thu Jan 03, 2008 1:24 pm

When you're that spectacularly drunk, normal mathematical rules do not apply. If you've ever been so drunk that you both exist and do not exist at the same time, you're not just drunk, you're quantum drunk.

r · Post by r » Thu Jan 03, 2008 1:29 pm

The Old Alchemist wrote:When you're that spectacularly drunk, normal mathematical rules do not apply. If you've ever been so drunk that you both exist and do not exist at the same time, you're not just drunk, you're quantum drunk.

This man speaks the truth. Vesna's comments are pedantry of the highest degree.