Overcoming Jealousy

[John117]

Good day/evening/morning my fellow forumers, I have a question or two for you.

I have a bit of a jealousy problem. I blame my low self esteem, but it seems to be more than that. I'm not so jealous that I go around forcing people to do things, I just hate the thought of everyone better than me off doing things with people, usually my girlfriend. It's a worry, a paranoid itch, even, that I'm not good enough. So my questions are: Are you jealous? Do you have any ways of overcoming this?

[NitrusReigns]

Well, I'm not sure my words are going to be all that useful to you, but I'll share briefly anyway.

I have had some jealously problems of my own. Mostly in relation to people other than me doing things with my wife (most of the jealousy issues were when she was my girlfriend). I've also experienced said jealousy with regard to other good friends and whatnot, but most of the real problematic jealousy dealt with my wife. The best advice I can give you for this situation is to communicate. After a few months of my jealousy really nagging at me, I simply told Lucy (my wife - then girlfriend) how I was feeling and basically told her that I wanted her to stop hanging out with those other people. After a few weeks worth of long conversations, I came around to the idea that I needn't be jealous of any of those other people because, after all, she was with me, not any of them. She continued to be much more sensitive toward the issue from that point forward and made a point to do things like mention things that she didn't like about these other people, but really nothing changed except my attitude towards it.

Like I said, not sure it's actually helpful, but in my (admittedly limited) experience, communication is almost always the key in any type of relationship. That goes for dating, marriage, friendships, siblings, and anything else you can think of. Honest communication of feelings goes a very long way.

Let me know if there's anything more you'd like to know about my story. I'd be happy to share if it would help you. Good luck

[John117]

Thank you, Nitrus. I've told my girlfriend that I'm jealous, and she pretty much just said I've noticed. She doesn't really mention them, but she does sometimes. I might talk to her about it again.
Thanks again.

[Avron the S'wit]

For a very short time when I was younger, I had a problem with jealousy. It accumulated with me because I had gotten a scholarship to go to a private high school, which was filled with kids much, much better off than me. I came from a house where we weren't well off. I didn't get a first car; I was in the habit of wearing in my shoes until they had holes in the soles; I couldn't partake in sports or many activities because I had to come home to cook for and watch my younger brothers, since my parent was not usually home. If I ever wanted anything for myself, anything at all, I had to work for it, and very, very hard. One day, particularly around the age where everyone starts to drive, I realized that I was surrounded by kids who had it so very easy and were so very miserable, and it drove me insane. I ended up getting very bitter and even blowing up at a few people.

Then my one good friend put it as perfectly as it ever could be put: "Hey, Avron, what gives? You aren't this kind of person by nature. Get over it, 'cause it doesn't matter."

And, after a lot of soul searching, I did, and I've never been happier or more satisfied with my life. In fact, one of the compliments I always get is that I'm a naturally happy and positive person, and it's still the nicest thing I've ever heard about myself as a person.

Jealousy is a natural thing, but if you sit down and look at it you realize that a lot of the matter has to do with fears that you're not good enough as the people around you. A key element to getting over this is honesty. Be honest to the people in your life that our jealousy might affect, because chances are that they understand and that discussing it in a respectful and honest manner will help you get to the root of why you're jealous in the first place, and that's the first step in getting away from that. It's in our nature as humans to want to doubt ourselves and our abilities, and it takes a lot of time, patience, and experience - some good, some bad - before we realize that we do rock and we are amazing. If you look at what's important to you as a person, you'll find a lot of it has nothing to do with other people and everything to do with yourself - so if you want to be jealous of someone, darn it, be jealous of yourself!

[ch00_bakka]

I can't help ya. I never get jealous, even when someone has more or better stuff than me, because I have a very laid-back attitude about life. If I had to give advice, I would say that you should just relax. Slow down for a little while.

[Hadrianus]

(decided to delete)

[leroybrown]

God damn Hadrianus. It's none of my business and I won't pry if it's not an area you want to talk about. I'm just really hoping this person has been prosecuted? Thats no joke if this person is still out in the public.

[Hadrianus]

[&@%!] Hadrianus. It's none of my business and I won't pry if it's not an area you want to talk about. I'm just really hoping this person has been prosecuted? Thats no joke if this person is still out in the public.

My mum naturally never talks about it, but I know for a fact that she did something about it, he tried moving away, but I trust mother got him I wuv my mummy, she didn't have the mental space to take much notice while it was happening, she had her own problems to worry about.

[JockoBeans]

@John117 (or anyone else here), if you EVER are jealous of a person here take this to mind.

They have their own problems and so you should enjoy your own life while not wanting theirs. That person you really envy could be one of those supafreaks that may seem to have a good life, but in their private life, or their own mind, they could be wrecks or plain psycho.

So beware: you may have it better than they do.

@Hadrianus