I AM THE WEIRDEST GUY IN TAMRIEL

Immortal NPC · Post by **Immortal NPC** » Mon Jul 16, 2007 4:58 pm

Here's my story:

Well, one day I awake to find myself in prison with absolutely no recollection of my life before that moment, nor why I am there in the first place. Suddenly, a man who claims to be the emperor of this entire region comes into my cell and sets me free just because I was in one of his wet dreams, or something. So, I pretty much just follow him out of this whacked prison and do absolutely nothing as these crazy [&@%!] in red robes try and kill him whilst being slaughtered left and right like nothing. I get out of these tunnels and have been entrusted with the task of saving the empire by giving some dude a necklace. I think it's a waste of time, so I brush it off.

I continue to join every single guild even though I don't really meet the requirements of any, and technically I'm still considered an escaped convict, and suddenly everyone is nice to me. So, I steal stuff from every guild, sell it back to them, and they happily hand me gold.

I find myself waiting for several days on end at times IN THE SAME SPOT without moving. For some reason I do not even sit down or anything... and I don't seem to be tired. I eat... sometimes, and find no urge to produce excrement. I can swim in a full suit of armor without drowning to death, or getting wet. I've seen sewer systems, but no bathrooms. (I guess everyone just craps in wells) Several blows to the head with warhammers, being repeatedly cut by swords, and being hit with multiple arrows that completely pierce my body, seem to only phase me for a second. When I sleep I suddenly get stronger. It's been 437 days and I haven't once showered, and that seems to be just fine with everyone else.

Wasn't I supposed to shut close the jaws of Oblivion or something? Eh, whatever... nothing's happening anyway.

Everyone wants my help for some reason. They act like I'm the only person in this world. WHY IS THERE ARMOR MADE OF GLASS?! Everyone won't stop smiling at me, I think they're all rapists. I can't even touch anything in a store without being accused of stealing (racists...). If I give this guy Armand some gold, suddenly everyone forgets that I just killed their families.

Yep, I'm an interesting fellow...

Codex · Post by **Codex** » Mon Jul 16, 2007 5:36 pm

WOW

Exactly the same happened to me. So I guess that makes me as weird as you

Daedricmudcrab · Post by **Daedricmudcrab** » Mon Jul 16, 2007 5:48 pm

you're not going to beleive it. Me too! Maybe were long lost twins or something!

ace62394 · Post by **ace62394** » Mon Jul 16, 2007 6:30 pm

ZOMG!!! me 4!!! we're long lost quadruplites!!!!

Adeon · Post by **Adeon** » Mon Jul 16, 2007 7:30 pm

not to mention that there is no drink called water and killing only costs a thousand bucks or like 2 days jail time. (i think)

Sigurd · Post by **Sigurd** » Mon Jul 16, 2007 9:33 pm

I can stab the Count of a City and be jailed for only a day.

Most Honored Listener · Mon Jul 16, 2007 9:48 pm

I didn't even do anything special and now I am the chosen one to kill some dead guy named Umaril the Unfeathered

Lord Sheogorath · Post by **Lord Sheogorath** » Tue Jul 17, 2007 12:18 am

Yeah it's weird. I bought my house which is a piece of crap and slept in it. I wake up BAM ghost. So I find the guy that sold it. Turns out his grandfather was evil. Go figure.

Codex · Post by **Codex** » Tue Jul 17, 2007 12:20 am

I can make sparks with my fingers

Lord Sheogorath · Post by **Lord Sheogorath** » Tue Jul 17, 2007 12:21 am

Give me a piece of flint and I can do that hotshot.

Codex · Post by **Codex** » Tue Jul 17, 2007 12:24 am

I can do flames too

And ice! Isn't that wierd??

Lord Sheogorath · Post by **Lord Sheogorath** » Tue Jul 17, 2007 12:34 am

See ice is another story. BTW anyone notice that fire area spells are like grenades. Shock is the same, but Frost is like a moving wall? Really helpful for catching those deer.

Codex · Post by **Codex** » Tue Jul 17, 2007 12:37 am

So you mean that when you cast a frost spell, with a range of 10 ft, you basically sends out a frost wall, 10 ft long in front of you. That meaning you dont have to be that accurate for close combats?

Lord Sheogorath · Post by **Lord Sheogorath** » Tue Jul 17, 2007 12:39 am

Basically it's a moving square rolling across the plains and will keep going till it hits something.

Codex · Post by **Codex** » Tue Jul 17, 2007 12:42 am

Does it stop if only a part of the "square" hits something, or must it be the person you were aiming at?

Lord Sheogorath · Post by **Lord Sheogorath** » Tue Jul 17, 2007 12:51 am

What I've seen is that whatever it hits has to be right in the middle other wise it just slap it as it goes by. Which is why it was one of my favorite custom spells.
Shout of the Ice
100 points damage
100 ft
10 seconds
Nothing lived.

Most Honored Listener · Tue Jul 17, 2007 1:18 am

codex wrote:I can do flames too And ice! Isn't that wierd??

I can throw a match on you oh and a snowball

Codex · Post by **Codex** » Tue Jul 17, 2007 2:06 am

Zarme · Post by **Zarme** » Tue Jul 17, 2007 3:05 am

Oh god! You guys went through the same stuff?! I just woke up in jail one day and got yelled at by some guy about being human trash!

Crusader · Post by **Crusader** » Tue Jul 17, 2007 3:12 am

I run around teverns at happy hour throwing bottles around, waving my sword all over the place and walk onto peoples plates of food and then they ask if im having a nice day

juicypnanny · Post by **juicypnanny** » Tue Jul 17, 2007 7:56 am

LMAO I like what u said about the toilets.

Most Honored Listener · Tue Jul 17, 2007 8:02 am

I have seen openings when I am in the sewers yet when I go up there is nothing but solid ground

Daedricmudcrab · Post by **Daedricmudcrab** » Tue Jul 17, 2007 12:28 pm

Once I saw an opening in the sewer so I went up, and I was in somebodies basement. o_0

Codex · Post by **Codex** » Tue Jul 17, 2007 1:16 pm

Maybe thats how they do it? Going down in the basement, and just craps through the trap door? Not all NPCs have such a door in their basement, though.

Lord Sheogorath · Post by **Lord Sheogorath** » Tue Jul 17, 2007 1:38 pm

If bandits attack anything that moves how do they get new recruits?