Cactus

[WolfGang IceEye]

Cactus I will miss you you've been here for as long as I can remember. We need more people like you on these foroums hopefully the old members will stick around this time *cough*me*cough* but any way you will be greatly missed by all of us.

[Josjie]

I spoke with Cactus on MSN. I can't share anything with you guys except that he's OK. So that's good news right .

WHAT! That was Arzock this whole time! [&@%!]

I did not even realise myself .

[Boulderheart]

Cactus added alot of humour to the moderating teama nd alot of enthusiasm. I think Cactus has certainly been the inspiration for alot of inside jokes on these fora, and without him we wouldn't have had alot of the 'good times'. He will be sorely missed by the majority of the users here I'm sure of it.

[Leilah]

Cactus, you will be missed

[Cactus]

Hey, everybody.

Before you get excited, I'm not coming back, I just felt that my exit was.. less than ideal. You guys have been my family and UESP my home for so long, and you deserve more than just a quick and easy exit on my part. I was upset at the time and I acted a bit rashly and frankly immaturely. I owe you guys a bit of an explanation, and here it goes...

I'm going through a lot of problems, which I've shared a bit over the forums via "What are you doing today" and whatnot, as well as in a bit more detail with a few closer friends via PM, MSN, etc. I've lost a lot of good friends, both online and in real life; I've been betrayed and screwed over so much the past few months; my plans for moving to Germany have been canceled and moved around and pushed forward and the simple act of moving is getting really complicated. Throw into the mix that I lost my job, I'm in the process of being evicted, and I've had to spend more than half of my savings I'd planned on using for Germany. Add into that I've suffered from medical depression since I was a kid, and I just haven't really been doing very well the past few months.

It's been hard for me, but yesterday was sort of the worst day I've had in a long time, and I did a lot of stupid things and said a lot of stupid things. I nearly lost one of my best friends, another friend of mine is just annoyed and frustrated with me and I don't know if we'll be talking anymore, rumours are apparently going around that I'm angry with certain members (which I'm not..) so yeh, yesterday was a bad day and I suddenly felt the urge to just cut myself off from everything that reminded me of that pain. Unfortunately in my emotional "frenzy" I turned my sites on UESP. My home away from.. the world.

Things are better for me after a few chats with friends I thought I'd lost, but I need to take some time and reevaluate my life. I need to figure out what I'm going to do, how I'm going to do it, and just take a break from everything and focus on improving myself and getting out of this slump. To be completely honest, I don't know if I'm coming back. My plans are to move sometime towards the end of November. After that it's going to take me a few months to settle in and get situated in my new home. Even if everything was okay I'd be taking a break from the forums after the move. So, IF I come back, and that's a big if, don't expect me for several more months. I'm sorry I'm leaving, I'm sorry for the way I left, but I need to do this for me.

===============================
Now that that's out of the way.. just.. wow. Guys, really.. you almost made me cry. I'd barely even made it back to the internet at all, I was on MSN with a few friends when I learned about what a friend of mine described as an "uproar." Then I was told the Welcomes thread had gained three pages within hours and I suddenly had my own thread.
Yes, I did ban myself. See the above paragraphs for a reason why. Anyway, I asked Josie to unban me (turns out you can't even read the forums with an IP ban..) and opened up the forums. I started reading everything in the Welcomes thread, and then "my" thread and.. wow. Yknow, this place always sort of felt like home before, but.. after this.. You guys really are my family. I love you guys. Between the avatars and signatures and incredibly kind things you've said about me, I was really touched. I can't say in words how much it meant to me. Read everything I said in the first few paragraphs and know that, for everyone who said something nice, everyone who changed an avatar or a signature.. thank you. Even if it was just a word or two, it helped me so much. I'd especially like to think a few people whose posts really touched me.

Dogmantra

• Your initial post was one of the nicest things anyone's ever said to about me. If it makes you feel any better about almost crying, I almost cried when I read it.
  You've been a good friend and I thank you, not just for that post, but for everything. You'll make a great mod one day!

Edgy

• We've never talked much. Sure, we've traded a laugh over PM a time or two, but I have to say your post was perhaps the most surprising. Words like "cornerstone" should never be used to describe me... And the last bit, saying a bit of UESP has died.. well gosh, I don't even know what to say. It's nice that people think that way, but I can't help but agree with Arzock and say that I don't really see myself as anything special. Thank you.

r

• I have to say, I've always respected you. You're fun and friendly, but you're not afraid to speak your mind even if it pisses someone off. The way you defended me and described me against Arzock is how I try to portray myself, how I want to be. As free as you are with your insults, a compliment like that from you means all the more. Thank you.

Dragour

• You've very suddenly and unexpectedly become a very good friend to me lately. You've been understanding and really there when I needed someone to talk to. You may not have posted, your worried PMs and concern meant the world to me. Thanks.

RobotNixon

• You've certainly wasted no time in setting up your own little niche here at the forums. I definitely see a long, if controversial, future here on the forums for you. You've certainly made an impact on me. Thanks for your words.
  PS: You're wrong, a golden statue of me would be all wrong. Make it out of copper and in a few years it'll turn green, like a proper cactus.

Rohugh

• You may not have said much in terms of quantity, but I have always considered you to be one of the most respected members of this family and someone I've always looked up to and admired since I started, so your few words hold a lot of weight. Even before I played Morrowind you was the infamous expert that everyone talked about, and a few of your words even helped me to start playing that amazing game. As I said, you didn't say much here, but privately you helped me realise I'm an idiot, and this proper good-bye is largely due to you. Thanks.

Ace
It's hard to even describe you. You've been here so long and I'll definitely miss you. You didn't say much, but you went to the trouble of making an avatar. It was one of the first things I saw before I even read any threads, and it made me smile. Maybe you thought it sucked or whatever, but it got me to smile in the midst of all this, so I think that definitely counts to something

Leroy
You got pissed off in my defense. It's nice to know that you care that much!

Equin

• Aww.. don't be depressed for me. *hug*
  Things will be better, I promise. You'll see me on MSN every once in a while, I won't be totally gone.

Sonji!

• Buddy, thanks for stopping in. Despite your previous good bye, you know you're wrong. Thanks for considering me a friend. I don't take the term "friend" lightly, so you, and everyone else, saying that means a lot. Thanks.

Not only was he awesome, but his username name was the best too.

HAHAHA.. thanks.

Boulder

• Good times. You're right, I have had some good times here on the forums. There are a lot of in-jokes too, aren't there? Well, make sure you don't forget them, because maybe one day I'll be back to make the jokes again to confuse all the newbs, yeh?

Leilah

• I barely know you, and you posted while I was typing this huge post. I just thought I'd say thanks.

I know I'm forgetting a lot of people: Josie, Codex, jpot, Vivec and her utter disbelief of my absence (desperate denial, perhaps?), Teinaava, Dark Lord, etc etc. I'd love to mention every single person, both past and present that's helped me through this or other hard times, but I'd never leave. As much as apparently some of you would love that, I really should be going. Ynever know, I might be lurking hidden in the background, so try not to talk TOO bad about me when I'm not around. I love each and every one of you guys. You're all my brothers and sisters and long-lost cousins I've never heard about. I even love you new guys who I've never even noticed because you just started posting yesterday; without the newbs we'd never have any old-timers, ammirite? Treat the newbs right, old-timers, or I might have to come back and kick some @$$.

Love you guys
Take care
I will miss you all.

[Coulsonji]

Now THAT goodbye will make the forums feel a lot better .

Good luck old friend.

[Josjie]

Well said Cactus.
I've already said this on MSN and by PM, but I wish you the best of luck and hopefully we'll meet again. Perhaps somewhere in Germany .

And of course we'll continue our Fallout 3 Discussion by PM or email XD

[The Raven]

This very saddening and unexcepted. I'm going to develop a serious depression

Indeed...

I feel like crying

[The Edgy Redguard]

We wish you luck in your endeavors, and hope things turn around.

God damn I can't find my old avatar...

[Fiar]

Oh whoa, I didn't think this would happen. I know I'm not the most active or avid poster, but I always liked seeing Cactus here. Man, I'll miss you, oh great green thorn plant man!

I wish you much luck!

<3 Cactus

[Jpot]

I'll miss you so much... I know that we didn't know each other that well, but one of your posts was always a bright spot on the fora. You are a huge part of what made these forums the best I've ever been to. You were the reason I joined, and the reason I'll stay. I wish you the best of luck in life. The forums will always feel a little bit empty without you.

[John117]

I never knew he left... That's so sad. He was so helpful.

[Dogmantra]

Dogmantra
Your initial post was one of the nicest things anyone's ever said to about me.

It's also one of the truest things that has ever been said about you.

[Dark Lord Cam]

Well, that was very sweet.

That first goodbye post wasn't very honest (yes, I knew it wasn't. Cactus just isn't that hurtful.) I had at first assumed it was a joke because of that post. However I now see that Cactus is serious about all of this. He really does want to leave. He also gained more respect from me by posting again. Y'see, I value Honesty and Loyalty above all things. So when Cactus posted this much nicer goodbye I felt I needed to make my goodbye an honest one too.

To the greatest mod/Member the UESP has ever had (Sorry Snowman, sorry Josjie but i have no idea who the heck you are. Caz is great but doesn't really compare to the Cactus. Dogmantra doesn't count. ) Cactus is the type of member i want to be someday, funny, kind and helpful in every way. (I will still find a way to be evil however as soon as I can master Dark Spark's witty art) I also believe that Cactus is a true friend, I dont really care about being called Cuban and Doogus as much as I actually pretend to. It was mostly me trying to get another joke out of Cactus (everyone else ruined it. Kestral just isn't all that funny j/k)

So to the great Cactus King, I bid thee farewell. However, It will not be forever since I still have your MSN. I will annoy you constantly just to get you back on to UESP. No one can resist me getting into their heads forever

Long live the Cactus King.

[The Most Unholy]

Suppose I should write in, been putting it off because honestly it'd make me come to the realization he WAS, not just taking a vacation, gone.

I'm glad you came back with appropriate goodbye, whether it be a permanent or temporary one. I know it meant a lot to me to have you say that, the original statement was, less than ideal for me. I know when we talked it was mostly fun and games, and by and large nothing real serious. However, I'd still be there for you if you ever needed something Cactus. You're a good guy, and a good friend. I've great respect for you. When I saw the first post you made saying you were leaving, I was sad and a little bit angry you left the UESF in that way. That's why I'm glad you came back and made that post, and I know I spoke to you prior to it, but I felt that it was important for the forums that you did come back and give a proper farewell to it's members. You were a great mod, but I lost some respect for you at your original post. With this goodbye, you definitely earned it again. As Edgy said, you were a cornerstone of this forum, and a little bit of it died when you left. Farewell friend, and good luck to you in your life. Hope to see you again soon.

[ace62394]

Just remember,

In the middle of every difficulty lies opportunity.

I wish you the best of luck in your journey! And do that thing I PM'd you about sometime, it's really fun!

[Dark Lord Cam]

I would also like to point out that Cactus is a liar. He is not a professional Ass as he claims but rather, He is a professional friend.

[Josjie]

(Sorry Snowman, sorry Josjie i have no idea who the heck you are. Dogmantra doesn't count. )

Lol

Dark Lord consider yourself banned Although I think Codex might've banned you already since you called him "Snowman"

[Dark Lord Cam]

[Josjie]

I've got 1859 posts (1860 with this post included) and I've been here since june 2006 and yet you do not know who I am

[The Most Unholy]

I probably knew who you were before, and got thrown off when you switched to Josjie.

[Dogmantra]

Well it doesn't help that only Cactus, Codex, Caz, you and I know what your name was before...

[Dark Lord Cam]

I've got 1859 posts (1860 with this post included) and I've been here since june 2006 and yet you do not know who I am

I know who you are.

I just dont know what you are like. I mean, i have spoken with everyone here and gotten to know them better but you are just another mystery.

[Generalno1]

he's a very interesting person
i never found out till i read this thread,very disappointing and sad
long live the cactus king

[randomfrog]

Gaah [&@%!]. I was gone for two or three days and look what happened! I missed a goodbye! Cactus, I think that I'm safe in saying that every single member of this entire forum (or fora, whatever that is) will miss you. If you ever return, you will be greeted with a king's welcome. Reading your goodbye made me tear up. I'm sorry if I've ever angered you, which I probably have. You were, in my opinion, one of the most key and influential members here.