Payback Time!

[Buddman09]

Hi this is Buddman09. I am a new member of these forums, but I am also on the Pandemic forums. On there I made great fanfics. This was my first fanfic on those forums. I already finished it but I now want to share it with you guys so after this paragraph you will see exactly what I typed on my first fanfic. Hope you enjoy.
This is my first fanfic it takes place in 2034 when the Earth is having a huge war against unknown creatures. Its a first person perspective. The main characters name is John Ridder. This is a prologue about two years before 2034
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Prologue


This started 2 years ago in 2032 in my hometown Manhattan, New York when I was just 15. We were doing regular things on Earth, playing video games, texting, using our new technology, until, well... everything went into chaos. A huge ship the size of 100 football fields stabbed into the Earths skin. We were idiots when the army showed up and opened the door. We heard screaming, soldiers yelping for help, I thought the army was tougher. Then everyone went screaming around. I didn't know why. I checked the ship. There was something... black coming out of it, with what looks like a deformed shark head, and huge razor sharp claws. They started attacking, killing someone here and there. A few survivors and I were evacuated on a helicopter. I wondered what happened to everyone I know. everyone, my mom, my dad, my sister, my friends. I started to cry. The pilot told me to calm down and that my family and friends might be on another helicopter. That calmed me down a little bit. Then I heard a someone on the radio, "This is Billy Shirkens reporting to you live on 51.7 F.M. radio news. The unknown source that killed everyone in Manhattan is spreading through the USA. We have our soldiers doing everything they can to prevent the unknown source from getting any further. Survivors are on helicopters getting transported to a refuge camp Mexico. We only have about 4,000 survivors." is all that he said. The pilot turned off the radio, "We will be in the refuge camp in Mexico in an hour, maybe you guys should get some sleep until we get there." he said as a guard on the helicopter gave us pillows and blankets. But all I could do was cry. I cried until I cried myself to sleep.

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Okay thats the whole prologue hoped you liked it. smile I will put chapter one on here soon. After I am finished with this fanfic I will put my other three fanfics on. I would really love some posts please.

[Buddman09]

okay this is the next chapter. If you don't like anything about it then I will make improvements.
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Chapter 1:Refugee Camps

I have been here in this refugee camp for 2 years. 2 years since that chaos began. I have made only one friend: Tyler Mason. The same things that happened to me happened to him. My mom would say that we were like brothers, except he had a bostonian accent. I forgot to tell you about the refugee camps. At the refugee camps we had rooms called 'Underbunks'. They are, obviously, bunks underground. We had 2 bunk beds so we had 2 other people with me and Tyler. They are buttfaces. They pick on us, spit in our food, and love to annoy us with their stupid songs at night. We got into fights, sometimes I won, sometimes they one, and most of the times someone breaks it up. I like to talk to the radio guy, he is fun. We like to prank call a lot. "Oh my god, I see one of the creatures behind you!" he said once as a prank. He even liked to rub my long blond hair. He was like a father I never met.

Now this is where my story begins, he called all of the refugees for a assembly. "Okay everybody, as you may have already known, we are losing the fight", he said dreadfully, "now we know we are worried so we have come to the decision to have some of you guys volunteer to fight." he said. Finally, a chance to have some fun and be a hero. A few hands had gone up to volunteer. "Okay we have Nathan Hender, Chris Fields, Andrew York, Fredward Baker, and... John Ridder?" he said surprised. And thats how my story began.
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Okay that chapter One if there is some things that need to be improved, then I will improve it.

[m@nyt1mes]

i like it, very interesting; but the general language is kind of wierd, sometimes very artistic, others it seems very unformal, but intriguing story so far.
hmm... Refugee camps
P.S. if you dont want this post in the topic, fell free to PM me and i will delete it(if you or someone else posts after me i can not delete it!)

[The Raven]

Refugee camps
dont fell

I agree. Totally.

Anyways, nice story.

[m@nyt1mes]

Refugee camps
dont...fell

I agree. Totally.

well, mine was a typo, he repeatedly spelled it like that

[guri]

Some spelling errors here and there but great story

[Buddman09]

its great that you guys like it.