Skyrim votes to leave Empire

[r]

In a remarkable turn of events, the Stormcloaks have decided that the civil war probably isn't going to be solved with a series of minor skirmishes over fortresses and instead have decided to hold a referendum on whether Skyrim should secede from the Empire. Ulfric Stormcloak led the Vote Leave campaign, known for its tagline 'We Want Our Province Back' to a victory of 52% of the votes.

This has sent shockwaves across the whole of Tamriel. In the midst of plummeting currency values and trade, and a huge spike in civil unrest, Jarl Ulfric has said it's all fine because we have our province back.

Jarl Ulfric will remain a fringe figure though, as Jarl Rogdgdgulf the Adequate of Solitude has accepted the mantle of High King of Skyrim. Rogdgdgulf in fact campaigned for Skyrim to remain in the Empire but then became High King because no-one else wanted to, before having a sudden change of heart and telling the Empire exactly where it could shove its White-Gold Concordat.

A Forsworn leader said that there was going to be a second independence referendum for the Reach, adding that he hoped the people of the Reach didn't balls it up and choose the wrong answer this time.

Meanwhile, back in Solitude, Jarl Rogdgdgulf has confirmed that the East Empire Company will keep their Solitude operation running, and therefore nothing bad will ever happen to anyone ever again. A spokesman for the East Empire Company denied reports that they have been receiving 'bungs' from the Jarl.

In Windhelm, a town with a large Dark Elf population, civil unrest is peaking as the Nords keep telling the Dark Elves to go back to Dark Elf land. A cataclysmic volcanic eruption in Morrowind caused by a shadowy figure known only by his codename of 'Greg Keyes' recently destroyed the province. This upset many people and was widely considered to be a bad move. Refugees arriving in Windhelm from Morrowind have found themselves being made to feel unwelcome. In a more civilised and educated town (Winterhold) an expert pointed out that you couldn't really blame the Dark Elves for a natural disaster, and that we should be offering them refuge rather than persecuting them, but no-one would listen to him.

A local Nord in Windhelm, Bjorn Bloodaxe Bjornsson, told us - "It's disgraceful, these Dark Elves coming over here, with their knowledge and their craftsmanship. I think they should go back to where they came from"

We asked a Dark Elf in Morrowind about this, who said - "It's like all the Argonians and Khajiit that come over here, with their skills, stealing all our jobs that we're too bone-idle to do ourselves. I think they should go back to where they came from"

We asked an Argonian about this, who said - "It's like the Imperials arriving in the Niben basin, with their civilisation and their technology. I think they should go back to where they came from"

We asked an Imperial about this, who said - "It's like the Elves coming over here from the Summerset Isle, with the basis for our entire language and culture. I think they should go back to where they came from"

We asked a High Elf about this, who said - "It's like when Akatosh first arrived in our mortal plane - our mortal plane - coming over here, creating everything that exists and leaving behind the oldest and grandest building in Tamriel for us to clear up. I think the Divines should go back to where they came from"

Meanwhile, the Bretons have opened up exit negotiations with Skyrim with the phrase "Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!"

[Tingz0r]

Breaking: Hamster craze shakes Nirn, Selling like sweet rolls

[MidbossVyers]

Aldmeri Dominion accuses the Empire of "Causing a Stink". Ignorant Imperial citizens delude themselves into thinking that the Dominion is a better place to live but, at the same time, refuse to move there.

We asked a High Elf about this, who said - "It's like when Akatosh first arrived in our mortal plane - our mortal plane - coming over here, creating everything that exists and leaving behind the oldest and grandest building in Tamriel for us to clear up. I think the Divines should go back to where they came from"

Wouldn't that be Lorkhan? I thought that the high elves loved Akatosh/Auriel.

[ToTheMadhouse]

Protesters wander the street/s of Markarth with hand painted signs with "Not our King" and "This land is stolen" in a show of solidarity. Not only this we now have the first ongoing discussion to rewrite the religious doctrines in place to open up the inclusive and toxic environment that has surrounded the naming of the Sibyl of Dibella. Much to the dismay of the priestess we can quote one member and this is what she had to say. "Dibella is the god of women and beauty. Men are forbidden from the inner sanctum". Despite many claims it seems that the isolation of the Dibellan worship has created an explicitly Trans-phobic area and shows that the people of Markarth have a long way to go before reaching equality

[MidbossVyers]

Vvardenfell Corprus Dagoth Ur Facility Leak No Longer a “Conspiracy Theory”

[Tingz0r]

Vvardenfell Corprus Dagoth Ur Facility Leak No Longer a “Conspiracy Theory”

I heard about that, too. Now the question is could it have been intentional? Given the current state of Morrowind, who's for sure?

[MidbossVyers]

It's less about the truth and more about how the Dunmer government will spin the facts. For example, there are still those who believe that Argonian enslavement only applies to those Argonians at "high risk" to join the Dark Brotherhood, as opposed to persecution for merely having "strange frills".

[ToTheMadhouse]

Lets not get started on the "West-Gash Daedric Church". According to them this is the Rapture

[SeaGtGruff]

Breaking: Hamster craze shakes Nirn, Selling like sweet rolls

Let's hope they don't discover the joys of tribbles, or Tamriel might become flooded with them!

Then again, the thought of all those tribbles being magic-portaled into Dagoth Ur's facility seems a bit entertaining, assuming they react to him and his followers the way they do to Klingons Orcs.

[MidbossVyers]

Men sent to Thalmor re-education camps are brainwashed into thinking that they are Daedra.

Any criticism against the Dominion is often rebuked by the slogan, "Stop elven hate".

[MidbossVyers]

The Aldmeri Dominion wants the human children of the Empire to be "educated" on how Lorkhan "enslaved reality" and created humans for the sole purpose of enforcing that "oppression". No, seriously, this stuff appears to write itself:

YouTube Link

[MidbossVyers]

The Imperial Mages Guild calls for a ban of the "problematic" practice of necromancy in order to make magic more appealing to "Imperial standards"... Oh, wait. That already happened. Guild imploded. Lots of Guild mages died. Marvelous time.

[MidbossVyers]

Thalmor claims that Cyrodiil was elven lands since ancient times.

[MidbossVyers]

Along with banning Talos, the Thalmor now also want a popular Nordic ice cream brand to remove the image of a Falmer woman from the box art.
An Imperial citizen is on the run after killing a Thalmor ambassador during a dispute. Witnesses say that this dispute occurred after the ambassador had knocked over a parfait.

[theEpicShadowscale]

In Windhelm, a town with a large Dark Elf population, civil unrest is peaking as the Nords keep telling the Dark Elves to go back to Dark Elf land. A cataclysmic volcanic eruption in Morrowind caused by a shadowy figure known only by his codename of 'Greg Keyes' recently destroyed the province. This upset many people and was widely considered to be a bad move. Refugees arriving in Windhelm from Morrowind have found themselves being made to feel unwelcome. In a more civilised and educated town (Winterhold) an expert pointed out that you couldn't really blame the Dark Elves for a natural disaster, and that we should be offering them refuge rather than persecuting them, but no-one would listen to him.

Wasn't Ulfric was the only guy who lets the Dunmer in his city. Also it's because of the racist Dunmer that the Argonians live outside. Also the Dunmer tried to enslave literally everyone. They're also the most prideful and probably more racist than Nords and Altmer combined. - Said an anonymous Argonian

[theEpicShadowscale]

In a strange turn of events, the children of Skyrim have begun protesting for the legalization of Skooma.

When we asked someone how they felt about it they said, "Well there aren't really any teenagers around here so I guess it makes sense...?"

[MidbossVyers]

Nah, it's because the graphics just suck in this respect. For example, this character is said to be "no older than 15": https://en.uesp.net/wiki/Oblivion:Dovesi_Dran

[MidbossVyers]

Old video died. Here is new video:

YouTube Link

[MidbossVyers]

Thalmor operatives within the Empire want to tear down statues of Pelinal Whitestrake, that they deem "problematic".

[MidbossVyers]

The Aldmeri Dominion won't shut up about their 4 centuries of humiliation, since Tiber Septim first united Tamriel.

[MidbossVyers]

It was recently revealed that the modified clairvoyance spell known as Marukhati 68, used by Imperial battlemages to determine the alleged "fact" that Stormcloaks were acting based on disinformation given to them by Thalmor atronachs, is actually flawed and corrupted.

[theEpicShadowscale]

Fazghar the Argonian goes berserk, kills some Dunmer, eats a raw cow, and jumps on a Mammoth, raiding Whiterun and ascending as the New Nerevar that hates Dunmer

[MidbossVyers]

https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueSTL/commen ... krim_1010/

[MidbossVyers]

Thalmor toadies insist that the use of the Numidium was "genocide", despite the fact that boots on the ground soldiers would have resulted in even greater casualties on both sides.

[MidbossVyers]

Thalmor toadies won't STFU about Tiber Septim's "war crimes" say that objectivity in these discussions is bad because it's rooted in Lorkhanic supremacy.