Family and Relationship happenings thread

[Kerr]

I have a crush on a guy as of recently and oh boy, my heart is all a flutter and I'm super awkward. Here I am used to being single and my emotions do this to me. He's an acquaintance, a friend of friends, we've met a few times and we've gotten along pretty well. And like we have a lot in common and I know they're Bi and have progressive views when it comes to a lot of issues.

But I'm really [&@%!] at initiating anything and don't know if it'd even be a good idea with how much crap is going on in my life at the moment. I have a lot on my plate already, not sure if I'd want to add a relationship to that, of course assuming they were interested in me. Also distance would be a problem. So yeah that dilemma has been interesting. The best thing to do might just be talk to them a bit, start to become friends. Which honestly if that's as far as it ever goes would be okay with me, a crush is just a crush, it's not an expectation of anything. I would be happy just having the person as a friend.

[ProphetDragon]

By the experience of how I made my friends, start finding common interests between the two of you, and after you do then discuss the topic. In the midst of talk you ask him questions about him or his family and speak of yourself too. Be slow and make friends with him, it may take some time but it will be worth it. Perhaps then one day invite him at your home to party. But remember: always be yourself. And don't be afraid, the fear is only in your head.

It took me well over a month to make my friends. We in the beginning used to talk about similar topics and our views on things, luckily I found loads common between us and so chose to take our friendship a step further. He was interested in novel-writing as was I and so I invited him to my house to show him a few of my stories and read his. We started to play games, study and write together. We soon became best friends and started spending all our time together. Now we are 'brothers'.

[Cassandra]

I'm not normally the type to ask for advice, but I'm pretty terrible at relationship stuff and thought I'd see what people think.

Basically, a little while ago I became friends with this guy. We had similar interests and he was nice, so we got along well. Then he started to call me things like "sunshine" and "sweetheart" which made me quite uncomfortable, but I kind of let it slide because I'm not one for conflict. I did end up mentioning my discomfort a couple of times, and he'd assure me that he'd stop, then do it again in a few weeks.

Then, a few day ago he called me "sunflower" or whatever, and I decided to tell him flat out to stop. He suddenly got really touchy and told me that he'd have to stop talking to me for a while because he wasn't "fond of friendships with so many rules" and that he needed to stop and think because he found my actions "tiresome and hurtful".

Have I done something terribly wrong? He said that nicknames were a form of friendliness, but the way I grew up, names like "sweetheart" were only used by either family or people who are dating, and I really don't know him well enough to accept names like that from him. But maybe I should have just ignored it? I don't know, what do you guys think?

[Rook]

As a teenage guy, I can tell you right now that he's using textbook high-school-level manipulation. Don't fall for it, and don't feel bad for sticking up for yourself. He's most likely attracted to you, but you don't want to go out with a guy that immature and manipulative.

[BetaB17]

He suddenly got really touchy

Well that's an understatement Melodramatic is the word your looking for

From the example you said, honestly, you did nothing wrong. You politely asked him to stop once, he disregarded it, and so you reconfirmed your discomfort and he reactive as if 'he' was the one offended. Sorry bud but the lady doesn't want to be called sweetie or sunshine, either don't or find something that works

On a sideline tangent, I can understand your displeasure with such nicknames. I never saw the big appeal of them, abbreviations are one thing, but.. I mean, if you want to show greater emphasis whether platonic or romantic, there's better ways to say it And sometimes, no matter how simple or small.. The meaning behind that can make all the difference

Oh, and flowers, flowers can make a big difference too, but that's an entirely different topic

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And yes, they are real

[ProphetDragon]

I'm no love expert but I know how know how to use words.

Firstly by calling you by various nicknames he was trying to be friendly to you in a romantic manner. But you were intelligent enough to understand that.

When you told him straightforward that you do not like it, he tried to change the direction of approach.

You have a kind heart and don't want to hurt him and this is understandable, but he's using your feelings to ensnare you. He first of all tried to get comfortable with you but when it failed he made you feel like you did something wrong. I have seen many a men use this trick.

Though it can actually be that he actually cares for you and wants to befriend you. But be sure to know him well, like which type he is, etc.

[leroybrown]

Oh, and flowers, flowers can make a big difference too, but that's an entirely different topic

Oh jesus christ beta... That is a different topic but for the love of god anybody who reads this flowers are to be used sparingly and timing is what does it. It's good to please the gals but you don't need to shred your man card in the process.

@Cassandra
You did perfect. Very good job, proud of you. Got a friend who wears a ring when she goes out so she doesn't have to deal with bs like that.

[AKB]

I'm not normally the type to ask for advice, but I'm pretty terrible at relationship stuff and thought I'd see what people think.

Basically, a little while ago I became friends with this guy. We had similar interests and he was nice, so we got along well. Then he started to call me things like "sunshine" and "sweetheart" which made me quite uncomfortable, but I kind of let it slide because I'm not one for conflict. I did end up mentioning my discomfort a couple of times, and he'd assure me that he'd stop, then do it again in a few weeks.

Then, a few day ago he called me "sunflower" or whatever, and I decided to tell him flat out to stop. He suddenly got really touchy and told me that he'd have to stop talking to me for a while because he wasn't "fond of friendships with so many rules" and that he needed to stop and think because he found my actions "tiresome and hurtful".

Have I done something terribly wrong? He said that nicknames were a form of friendliness, but the way I grew up, names like "sweetheart" were only used by either family or people who are dating, and I really don't know him well enough to accept names like that from him. But maybe I should have just ignored it? I don't know, what do you guys think?

He was testing your limits of tolerance towards him, hoping to make the relationship romantic, instead of just being open about his intentions. He is now "removing" himself from your presence to show you how his relationship with you matters to him, with the intention of you being willing to take things further with him once he stops. Whether he's doing it consciously or not, that's probably what he's up to.

If you have no interest in him as a romantic partner, note that he will always want to make the relationship romantic in the future, there is no off switch to that once someone has decided that's the course of action.

[MARS]

I'm not normally the type to ask for advice, but I'm pretty terrible at relationship stuff and thought I'd see what people think.

Basically, a little while ago I became friends with this guy. We had similar interests and he was nice, so we got along well. Then he started to call me things like "sunshine" and "sweetheart" which made me quite uncomfortable, but I kind of let it slide because I'm not one for conflict. I did end up mentioning my discomfort a couple of times, and he'd assure me that he'd stop, then do it again in a few weeks.

Then, a few day ago he called me "sunflower" or whatever, and I decided to tell him flat out to stop. He suddenly got really touchy and told me that he'd have to stop talking to me for a while because he wasn't "fond of friendships with so many rules" and that he needed to stop and think because he found my actions "tiresome and hurtful".

Have I done something terribly wrong? He said that nicknames were a form of friendliness, but the way I grew up, names like "sweetheart" were only used by either family or people who are dating, and I really don't know him well enough to accept names like that from him. But maybe I should have just ignored it? I don't know, what do you guys think?

You did absolutely nothing wrong and I can only echo Leroy.

[Wolfborn]

@Cassandra:
To pile on here, I would echo what others have said. You have done nothing wrong. You have defined the boundaries of this relationship and it's up to the other person to respect them. Never feel guilty or defensive for doing so. I understand your desire to avoid conflict (I hate conflict myself) but one key to any relationship, platonic or otherwise, is communication. You have to speak up when something is making you uncomfortable and if the other person can't respect that, that's their issue, not yours.

[Unionhack]

My entire friend group is falling apart and there's nothing I can do to stop it.

[Hissien]

Got a little rant, not necessarily meant to be read but its a forum so I suppose it must be. I got a call from my estranged grandmother whom I have not spoken to in over two years cordially and up until now over four years of my own volition. She says my name in surprise as I usually just ignore her; and proceeded to give me a whole list of reasons in which I was failing her as a grandson. She said that she, when asked told all her friends that I did not speak to her (true), and how she did not know what had happened between us and that she had always been good to me. She told me that I'd better hurry up and choose a career because the clock was ticking etc etc... I gritted my teeth and bore her lashes until she spoke about the one forbidden topic. My father. To all who don't know, which is all of you. My father is a recovering alcoholic and drug addict whom in the past has stolen from me, lied to me on multiple occasions and taken my pain medication that I had from surgeries in the past and who in all 18 years of my childhood paid child support three times. I have had a lot of therapies devoted to this man and I've moved on, but that's just it. Forgiveness doesn't mean you have to let that person into your life, only that they won't keep you prisoner anymore. I've just moved on away from the two of them and in my eyes it is only their inability to accept that which makes them cling to something that has long since withered and died.

Now, I don't really know what to make of my grandmother in general; I only ever saw her about once a year or so keeping in mind that for the last seven years she lived fifteen minutes away. But she was never at my birthdays, or my chorus concerts, or at my art showings, she never called to check on me except twice a year which would all be fine and good except she has this huge air of entitlement I can't abide. She always says how much I need to be grateful for this, and that, how my dad this and that, and quite frankly its exhausting. She always says I need to come visit her but in all twenty two years of my life she has not once offered to bridge the gap between us. Moreover as I have reminded her in the past, I was a child for the majority of my life. I had no car, no money and no means to reach her. We struggled in the poverty quota under a single parent income and she has the gall to tell me I forgot I had a grandmother? I think not. I have 7.2 billion family members, I don't need one entitled hag.

[HatofMadness]

Figured I'd share something personal but great with my friends at UESP



YouTube Link

[Aarah]

Aww, congratulations, Hat!
Hope you have an amazing wedding!

[Kerr]

Oh god, that's delightful.

Congratulations man.

[Unionhack]

Dawwwww that'll keep me going all day tomorrow, how adorable!

Congrata-dilly-do, neighborino

[BetaB17]

So god damn [&@%!] adorable

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Congrats, my good sir, congrats

[HatofMadness]

Thank you all, I just feel like screaming it from a mountain top, but I don’t have a mountain. I have UESP forums

[leroybrown]

Really happy for you buddy!

[Dohva.]

Omg! Congratulations! Aww, your video was so cute. Marriage is challenging but you can and will grow. It's hard loving them at times and then there will be moments the love comes easily. The trick for us has been to trust God with everything. Good luck! <3

[Argonanza]

Hidden:

Congrats, dude!

[legoless]

Congrats!

[leroybrown]

Let us know when the date is. We should all modify our avatars like we do for haloween/christmas but wedding themed.

[Linkuya]

Super late to the party since I visit the site like two times a year but congrats my guy, hope you two have a long and happy marriage :thumbsupemojihere:

[Fiar]

I said congrats on Discord, but I need to say it here.

Congratulations, Hat! I wish the best for you two!