Competition of the Month - July Smash Hit Stories!

[The SheoDovah]

Or Beta is known to use all kinds of sneakieses trickess to attempts to get the preciouseses.

[Lord Timster]

:

:

Emperor Uriel Septim VII has been betrayed by the Imperial Battlemage Jagar Tharn and imprisoned in another realm! You alone are left to travel the vast continent of Tamriel in search of the legendary Staff of Chaos that will allow you to rescue the true Emperor and restore peace to the Empire!

Two dice, a quill and parchment are all you need to make your journey.
YOU decide which way to go, which dangers to risk and which monsters to fight.

Can YOU save the Emperor?

Author? Nobody would put their name to it. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[Unionhack]

Holy hell Tim, that's brilliant. Love it!

[Lord Timster]

^tyvm. Very kind of you.

[BetaB17]

We have all been officially rekt by this anonymous author. GG

[The SheoDovah]

Naturally, we must form a mob.

[Aarah]

Poll is up for voting. Choose ye fave!

[Aarah]

Only two votes thus far?
Where're all the book lovers? Come and show these books how much you care.

[The SheoDovah]

What's that, Precious?

The silly curs are not votings for us?

We kills them. No, no, too risky, too risky.

But she can. Yes, we lures them to her and once the filthseshobbitses voters are deads, we take the preciouses back.

Yes, Dovah, Dovah.

Or i'm just [&@%!] around and also curious to why there are two votes. Also, Vote Dovah. I actually put effort into it this time! I may have also gained a mild urge to partake in the way of the Dark Brotherhood and kill it as a result. Gimp, i mean.

[Ecno]

I kinda wanted to vote for Dovah's joke entry since i'd imagine an orc just tying the book to the head of a warhammer for maximum effect.

[The SheoDovah]

Unfortunately, Aarah has decided to not be corrupt and thus i can't bribe her into modifying the poll to allow both entries.

Thanks, Ecno. I admit, I do kinda wonder if I should have just stuck to that one but I just wanted to put proper effort into it/develop a mild hatred of Gimp when it decided to turn what should have been a half hour task into 1.5 hours and thus me going "well, sod you!" and scaling down the entry. :-/ Then annoyingly, I thought of a few more entries.


1. Sheogorath's complete guide to Skyrim: This guide was written by the so called "Prince of Madness" and contains a lot of cyrptic er... we guess, guides to our province. Read about how Skyrim has 4 sleeper holds. Discover how er.... cheese is related to the Falmer!? What the bearded talos!? Wait, you're writing that down? Seriously!? We can't publish that! Oh sod it.

2. How to Nord: Written by M'aiq of Liar. M'aiq knows many things and in this book, M'aiq tells you how to Nord in a step by step guide to avoid unpleasent misunderstandings. M'aiq explains why shouting and Nordic shouting are two different things. M'aiq explains why arrows are used to pierce knees. M'aiq is tired now.

3. A Song of Axe and mead: Written by Gregor Riktor Ragnar Meadslayer. In this epic 90 volume collection, read about the adventures of Bendu Olo's life as he travels the land, consumes mead, smiths axes and lollygags. Explore the twists and turns that our protagnist undertakes and discover a tale of romance, betrayal, beards, glory and how he became King of Lollygagging. Pre-order now and get a free enchanted axe! (Disclaimer: Not suitable for milkdrinkers. Milkdrinkers will be suplexed and chokeslamed if caught reading this.


There are others that i thought of. Oh and a very meta one.


The Offical Strategy Guide to Skyrim: This would have been a lot of ***** help from the start! - The Dovahkiin. Basically a shoutout to Fallout 2's Fallout 2 guide book that is unlocked after the game.

[Aarah]

Thanks, Ecno. I admit, I do kinda wonder if I should have just stuck to that one but I just wanted to put proper effort into it/develop a mild hatred of Gimp when it decided to turn what should have been a half hour task into 1.5 hours and thus me going "well, sod you!" and scaling down the entry.

I'm glad you went with the second entry, as the joke entry didn't really fit the criteria of the comp that well.

[Aarah]

Well done, Union and AtoM!
You both won this month's CotM with your splendid books.

Thanks to all who entered and voted. You're all marvellous!

[Unionhack]

Hidden:

YouTube Link

[BetaB17]

Shucks, I should of gone with the spicy forbidden romance between a caring keeper and his mute old maiden Maybe next time

[Kerr]

Damn, I should have voted for myself. Classic rookie mistake.

But congrats to the pair of you. (Even if my coins are slightly less pretty now.)

[BetaB17]

Pfff, only chumps vote for themselves, you know that kerr (Waves hello to any and every chump out there. We're all chumps now)