Competition of the Month - July Smash Hit Stories!

[Aarah]

Welcome one and all to the Competition of the Month!

These monthly competitions are a chance for you to demonstrate your creativity and talents while getting a chance to know your fellow members and have a little fun. Each month is going to have a different theme and a different talent – and maybe a surprise or two! But only one member can wear the purple coins and fancy title of CotM Winner! Do you have what it takes?

The basic rules are as follows:

Spoiler:

» Members can contribute pieces based on the talent (writing, art, screenshots, etc.) and theme during the submission period, after which no further entries will be accepted. Then we will vote via a poll to see who gets to wear that month’s winner’s badge!

» If you are posting artwork, please post a link from an off-forum website such as Photobucket; if you are posting a written piece, please hide it under a spoiler when creating a new post. This is to ensure that posts are not too long and the thread appears orderly for everyone. If you are unsure how to do either of these, don’t be afraid to ask!

» Be respectful and polite about your fellow members’ work. Anyone who says anything rude about another’s work will be hearing from a member of the Mod Squad and may not be allowed to participate in the next competition. There is no such thing as “good” or “bad,” and everyone has a unique way of demonstrating his or her talents. Enjoy the variety!

» All members are welcome to join, including moderators. Don’t forget that we’re members, too!

»UESPOINTS!
UESPoints (UP) are a chance for all you lovely UESP users to earn reward points for your achievements and for participating around the forums. The CotM is now awarding UESPoints as a prize, in addition to the usual 1st place prize of the purple coins.
Here's how it will work: When the voting period is over, UESPoints will be awarded based on what position you came in.

1st Place - 3 UESPoints + Purple Coins
2nd Place- 2 UESPoints
3rd Place - 1 UESPoint

2nd and 3rd place have to have at least two votes to qualify for UESPoints.

This month's challenge is to create a TES book that has become amazingly popular all throughout Tamriel!

Have you read A Game at Dinner? Perhaps you enjoy Lost Legends? Or perhaps you prefer something a little more puzzling, like the Yellow Book of Riddles?

Whatever you like to read, we want you to come up with your own literary hit!

There are three things required for your book:

1) A title and author
2) A brief synopsis
3) A cover

A cover is optional, but you will get extra kudos for doing one. Of course, the more original, the better.
You can design your own (as long as it is TES style), pick a pre-existing cover from the game, or if you are having trouble with either of these, you can use this basic default cover:

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Once you have your cover, include the title of your story on it, and hey presto!


Our schedule for the July event is as follows:
July 5 - 26: Competition begins! Start planning and send in those submissions!
July 27-31: Voting period – vote for your favourites!
July 31: Our winner is announced!

Please note that all times are determined by me, Aarah, and therefore will run according to Greenwich Mean Time (+1) (Click here if you’re unsure when, exactly, that is!)

Remember that the CotM is not possible without you, so please participate, contribute, discuss, and vote!

Participants

Unionhack
Kerr
AddictedtoMorrowind
The Sheodovah
Ecno
BetaB17
Lord Timster

[Unionhack]

I'm a day early in the States, sue me.

Introducing Chicken Soup for the Soul Gem!

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Penned by noted Imperial Wizard, Jacen Canphylonius, Chicken Soup for the Soul Gem is a step-by-step process to preparing your unwilling sacrifice of the week for the eventual soul-trapping that will bind its soul for all eternity into an abyssal crystalline prison from which there is no escape. Included are tips about fattening the subject's soul through some positivity exercises, choosing the animal subjects that scream the least, knowing the right time to mercilessly hack your subject's head off with a dull axe after soul-trapping, and 50 reasons why you shouldn't believe what Mannimarco says about black soul gems.

Big hit with middle-aged orc women everywhere. Not available in Black Marsh.

[BetaB17]

4/10, totally missed the perfect example, Aarah Ya missed it!

Scum 4 dayz, m8, scum 4 dayz

[Cassandra]

I'm gonna miss all of this, but I can already tell you that Union'd get my vote.

[Aarah]

Wow, Union, you only took 24 minutes to think of and create your book!
And what a nice book it is too. Good stuff.

@Beta
Submit Scum as your entry! Do it! (Though, I like the other one more )

[Unionhack]

I have no life during the summer, don't you judge me

[BetaB17]

I will judge you, and you will like it!

(Wait, [&@%!], voting isnt up yet Too soon )

[The SheoDovah]

Hidden:

Here is my entry.

The orc guide to smashing your foes with a book.

Step 1: Pick up book.
Step 2: Hit it.
Step 3: Smash hit is created.
Step 4: Repeat.
Step 5:Lollygag.

Tis but a joke. Real entry is down further.
I may just be putting this down as a silly joke of an entry and may come back with a proper one if I remember later this month.

[Kerr]

My entry.

Hidden:

Heart's Desire by Silius Cania

From horror master Silius Cania comes a new spine-chilling tale. A store has just opened in the town of Hobb's End in High Rock. Housing an unusual collection of curios, the storekeep Mister Greenhart and his scamp assistant promise his collection has something for everyone and is always eager to strike a deal with those who come through his doors. But everything has a price and we don't always pay in Septims.

Buyer Beware.

[AddictedtoMorrowind]

Hidden:

Shoot the Moon by Caius Cosades
Caius Cosades has been clean for four months, and now he's revealing his secrets to the public. This ex-Grand Spymaster lost his money, job, and shirt to his skooma problem, but ever since he became drug-free, he's dedicated his life to helping others in need. Now with his 12 part process to total rehabilitation, quitting has never been easier. Whether you're a drug-addled Khajiit or a reckless smuggler, you're guaranteed to find success, or your money back! You don't have to shoot the moon to recover from your sugar addiction.

[BetaB17]

^Oddly befitting given your name

[The SheoDovah]

This turned out a bit [&@%!]. I just could not get GIMP to do what i envisioned and had to settle for it.

Hidden:

Battle of the Tongues: A Report on the events of Solthesim by UNKNOWN

In the year 201 of the 4th era, The Dragons returned and a hero known as the Dragonborn rose up to face them. Everyone knows how he stopped the World Eater but what isn't known is how there was a First and that all of Tamriel was threatened by this. This book contains reports of the battles he faced to stop the First. Also known as Miraak. The two dragonborn. The first and the last. This book contains accounts of those who were present at the time.

Pre-order from The White Beard in Solitude and get the complete Lusty Argonian Maid boxset for 40 septims!

[Ecno]

The True Story of the Five Companions
By Bolag Mal

Short Summary

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The Five Companions were a group of drug addicts who embarked on a quest to rediscover their passion for drugs during the Interregnum. They were led by Emperor Varen Aquilarios of the Empire of Cyrodiil, who desired to use the Amulet of Kings to rekindle the Dragonfires in a ritual aimed at persuading Sanguine to spread his drug addiction throughout all life on Nirn, and thus bring a new age of enlightenment.

This corrupted ritual had triggered a catastrophe which the Elder Scrolls named the Soulburst of Idiocy. During an unknowable time afterward many were subjected to the products of their own imagination some had even believed Nirn itself was melding with the planes of Oblivion.

But throughout all the chaos nothing was as devastating as a mind-addled self-proclaimed champion of Tamriel who believed their soul had been lost to deadra and that the world was plagued with war.

Long Summary

Hidden:

The Five Companions were a group of drug addicts who embarked on a quest to rediscover their passion for drugs during the Interregnum. They were led by Emperor Varen Aquilarios of the Empire of Cyrodiil, who desired to use the Amulet of Kings to rekindle the Dragonfires in a ritual aimed at persuading Sanguine to spread his drug addiction throughout all life on Nirn, and thus bring a new age of enlightenment. The other four Companions consisted of some of the greatest fighters and minds of that time. Lyris Titanborn, a Nord warrior said to have the blood of giants, served Varen as his personal diaper changer. Sai Sahan, the Redguard Captain of Varen's Dragonguard, was charged with protecting the group from nay saying drug haters. Abnur Tharn, Chancellor of the Elder Council and Varen's, supplier accompanied Varen in his capacity as Imperial Pansy. Lastly, there was Mannimarco, a legendary necromancer who held considerable drug induced lollygagging with Varen and claimed to know how to conduct the Dragonfire ritual.

In 2E 579, having successfully located the amulet and returned to the Imperial City, Varen and the Companions initiated the ritual with the Amulet. It was then that Mannimarco relieved himself in the dragonfires and corrupted the ritual, triggering a catastrophe which the Elder Scrolls named the Soulburst of Idiocy. A powerful explosion of magical energy swept across Nirn, setting the plane adrift in a drugged induced stupor of untold proportions, where many were subjected to the products of the own imagination and some had even believed Nirn itself was melding with the planes of Oblivion.
Varen vanished in the chaos of the Soulburst, allegedly transcending to drug fueled folly itself in the blast. In the immediate aftermath, Sai Sahan managed to secure the Amulet of Kings and fled from the Imperial City to raise the amulet as his own, taking it to the ruins of the city of Sancre Tor, the burial site of the Reman emperors. Mannimarco made Lyris Titanborn his own nanny, and Abnur Tharn, seeking to preserve his status, pledged his loyalty to literally becoming a paper weight. The Five Companions and Varen's chaotic dream for Tamriel eventually came to an end, and the world was set on a course for the war to end all drugs.

But throughout all the chaos nothing was as devastating as a mind-addled self-proclaimed champion of Tamriel who believed their soul had been lost to deadra and that the world was plagued with war. The strangest account is that this champion would change which side of their imaginary world war they were supporting leading to even more bloodshed. With drug induced fervor they would kill almost any living thing in their path and desecrate many holy sites throughout the world in their plans to end war and rid the world of supposed daedric influence.

[Aarah]

Nice entries, everyone!

Still one week to create your story if you want to enter.

[BetaB17]

Scum 4 dayz, m8, scum 4 dayz

Submit Scum as your entry! Do it! (Though, I like the other one more )

:

In this exciting installment from the same author that brought us last year's best seller 'As Easy As CHIM' and the popular classic 'To Kill a Troll', may we present this surprise hit!

As we follow along in this edition, Sir Ellan Nya will guide us through the proper etiquette to keep home and Empire at it's finest and to keep the unwanted filth at bay.

You find not one house maid without this charming guide tucked beneath their beds, and it has made it's way to Imperial barracks as well. Even the Draugr from Skyrim could learn a thing or two here. Truly, an exciting and informative read! Learn how one may chase, wash away, punish the grime that always seems to sway into our lives. There is not a page where one will find it lacking. So come, join us in this fine print!

Available at your local quirky bookstore while supplies still last!

*Currently banned in Vvardenfell due to past misgivings with the author
.

[Aarah]

^Scum 4 dayz, m8!

No excuses for mess in any household or quarters now!

[BetaB17]

[&@%!] pls there better not be any messes under my watch. I am the MVP of cleaning. Scum can't even hide from me even if it tried

:

[The SheoDovah]

Behave you two or i'm burning this [&@%!] thread down and eating both of you then nick both of your personal cake supplies and then melt every [&@%!] list on the forum!



EDIT: Whoops, i seemed to have dropped this in here.

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Not saying that this is related to any votes but if votes happen to increase because of it, the kitten will thank you.

[Aarah]

[&@%!] pls

I only just read this while signed in. Excuse moi?

@Dovah
Get that kitten outta here! Criminal scum! (You, not the kitten.)

[The SheoDovah]

I'm being oppressed! Aarah's oppresing me! She is trying to remove part of my entry! The Kitten is vital as a pre-order bonus.

[Aarah]

I'm not being oppressed! Aarah's not oppresing me! She is trying to shun part of my entry! The Kitten is vital as a cheap bribe.

Fixed.

Last day to enter. If you haven't already, do it! Or...else.

[BetaB17]

Excuse moi?

You know I say that with upmost love <3 with a touch of salt

[Aarah]

Excuse moi?

You know I say that with upmost love <3 with a touch of salt

Get to the food thread with that salt.

I also saw this the other day, so you made me chuckle.

Hidden:

https://mobile.twitter.com/NewGirlonFOX ... 16/video/1

[The SheoDovah]

If Beta wins, naturally, it means Beta bribed Aarah with that tweet and that both of them used their greenie powers of greenie stuff to alter the polls.

[Aarah]

^Or...it could mean that people like his book the best.

I think it's going to be a close one this month though.