Dear Sheogorath

[r]

Dear Sheogorath,

Thank you for taking the time to write to the Olympics Association suggesting that we introduce the sport of 'hunting Netch with forks' into Rio 2016. We regret to inform you that we have no plans to introduce the sport at this stage and are in some doubts as to whether it even qualifies as a sport. We would like to raise the following points to you:

[*]We do not agree that this sport is 'the dog's bollocks'.
[*]We also do not agree that all other sports, particularly cycling, are 'for gays'.
[*]Despite what your 'mate Spenner' has told you, you cannot 'bung us a few drakes'.
[*]We don't care if you 'know some dangerous men'.
[*]We are not racially biased against the Daedra and do not believe that you were 'f***ing robbed' in the mens' triathlon in 2012.
[*]We have no plans to host the Olympic Games in the Shivering Isles.

[Imbalance]

Clearly, this rejection has displeased the Prince of Madness. He seems to be taking it out on Ryan Lochte.

[Dark Spark]

As if the pools of Ecto Cooler, the bike courses of death, walk-racers dropping melted Baby Ruths out of their shorts and the aforementioned Lochte weren't indication enough of the Madgod's hand.