Family and Relationship happenings thread

[Dohva.]

Dov, I understand that your situation is a tight one and that it's hard to do anything without money, but have you considered applying for work in a different town? Again, I don't know the entirety of your situation. However, if you're able to find work in a new town it would provide you with new scenery/perspective and the chance to meet new people. Perhaps if you commit to something like that, the details of housing, transportation, etc would work themselves out.

[The SheoDovah]

Tis my aim to apply for jobs in another town but i'm literally stuck between 3 towns that i can afford. At best, there is a 4th one but i rather not pay a quarter of my wage on travel every month. I have the misfortune to live in one of the most expensive parts of the country due to the South East being the South East. :-/

[Aarah]

Admitly, my humour is a bit odd as it's hit and miss. I know i'll have trouble going up to a good looking woman and introducing myself as, well, i can be classed as anti-social, in the bit awkward and not really into socialising bit. Not the normal definition of anti-social. Oh and i swear waaaaaaaaay too much. :-/

Just be yourself, you'll probably be more nervous if you over think how you're going to come across. If you know that something will definitely come across as weird or inappropriate, then just leave that out of an initial conversation. I'm sure you'll learn what works and what's maybe best left out of a conversation the more you speak to women.
If you think your humour is hit and miss, I bet you'll eventually find people who it is a hit with - you're bound to find a few misses along the way, but that's normal when you're out to find your kind of people.
I've found the thought of what people are thinking of you, is usually worse than what they're actually thinking - unless you're a total arse, which you're not, so you might be pleasantly surprised by people's responses.

Getting into socialising is hard, if you're not good at that sort of thing. I'm bad at it too. Hopefully, once you get into it, you'll get more comfortable.

[The SheoDovah]

Wait, i'm not an arse? Dammit! I've spent years trying to be the biggest arse on here and i've failed? All those years wasted! *gets drunk*

Joking aside, to be honest, i don't really know and i am the type that simply doesn't gives a rat's arse about what people think about me, personally. Proffessionaly, i do due to career reasons but personally, i couldn't care less if i was labelled a moron, or a dick or other insults. I just let those people insult me and ignore them.

I did intend on trying out a local nightclub until i went in between jurbs and if i do end up working from a week to week basis, i will have to ditch any ideas of doing that in favour of managing my budgets due to potentially one week, i'm better off, one week, i'm worse off etc..

I've pretty much decided against online dating.

[Dohva.]

We know several married couples who met online, including my husband's brother and his lovely wife. It's a don't knock it 'til you try it sort of thing. Also, one of my former coworkers met her boyfriend online and they seem to be having a lot of fun.

As for finding work in another town, 3 choices is good! Better than zero or one, right? You'll end up at the right job, but it is easy to be discouraged while you're not working. One piece of advice that I came across recently said that when you're unemployed, it's a good idea to stay busy and try to do an activity that's in line with your work. I know that you do admin work, so could you maybe volunteer for a local organization in the meantime answering phones? Or know anyone who needs a few errands run you could help out? Volunteering is a great way to stay busy and there's a lot you could do with your spare time to help you keep motivated and feeling like you're worth something while job hunting.

And I wouldn't worry too much about the love thing. It usually happens when you're least expecting it and seems the most inconvenient.

[The SheoDovah]

The main issue with volunteering is that, because i have a very high chance of getting employed as a temp, i kinda need to keep myself available all week long but it is on my list and online dating just seems iffy to me. I know it's a bit silly as i try to avoid knocking stuff until i tried it. Apart from anything Pepsi related. They can burn in hell and then the hell they are in can also burn to truely destroy it. But hopefully, i can start this socalising thing by the end of this month. (do i get a trophy or achievement for doing so? )

[leroybrown]

Joking aside, to be honest, i don't really know and i am the type that simply doesn't gives a rat's arse about what people think about me, personally. Proffessionaly, i do due to career reasons but personally, i couldn't care less if i was labelled a moron, or a dick or other insults. I just let those people insult me and ignore them.

I'm very jealous of your attitude. It took me years to be able to shake off negative comments.

That being said if you're consistently being referred to as a dick or an [&@%!] then maybe you're an [&@%!]. If this is the case then you need to change how you act around people. People don't insult me and are nice to me because I'm a nice person. If someone insults me it's in a friendly way (buddy-buddy [&@%!] talk).

That and i think, at heart, i'm the type to prioritise my career over socialising due to my background and an oath i've made to myself to never be broke again.

I'm sure you know all this but just remember money doesn't bring happiness. I sort of want to text wall about this but it would sound too much like a PSA commercial. Basically what I was getting at is that you don't want to be rich but alone playing Elder Scrolls 17 in your apartment (oh wait, flat) all day because you don't know how to make friends. There are plenty of people like this and they can get out and make friends but I think for them its very very difficult. Like kicking a drug habit.

[The SheoDovah]

I'm not consistently referred to as such and am rarely insulted. That said, i was accussed of being a feminist on facebook but that's a bit off topic.

[leroybrown]

Yeah you seem like a solid dude you're never a dick on the forums. I think Aarah hit the nail on the head when she said just be yourself. It's just kinda funny because I always say just be yourself, unless you're an [&@%!].

Oh and that internet [&@%!] that don't count. I've been called a sexist, I've been threatened and my favorite, I've been called an 'ageist'. That's adorable.

[The SheoDovah]

I know and the net's always going to be the net.

I'll probably will be myself and i will admit, i kinda do refer to myself as a likable dick as well, it's pretty much a part of my online persona.

[Kerr]

Update time. I outed myself as nonbinary to my sister and it went really well, she was fine with it, supportive and all that jazz. She's already pretty knowledgeable about Queer topics so it's not like I was outing myself to someone who hasn't heard of nonbinary genders or worse someone who has but belittles people who identify as such. So thanks for the support MARS and Aarah.

It is kind of weird how people are usually just assumed to be cis and heterosexual until proven otherwise. I suppose that's what happens when you live in a heteronormative society. Hell, I didn't even know about non-monosexual sexualities and non-binary genders until I was in my teenage years. Which is bizarre in retrospect.

[Unionhack]

Not so much bizarre as just new in the grand scope of things. These concepts either didn't exist for a few thousand years, or did and were just heavily looked down upon in most societies. And of course, we still have quite a ways to go.

In any case, Kerr, congratulations. I'm glad that went well for you. Too many people have issues with coming out, it's nice to see someone with a good experience for a change.

[moonsugarkind]

On the family front, my dad gets more unreasonable the more he opens his mouth. He says some of the most callous things I've ever heard and it's honestly offensive to me. Okay I understand how ~evil~ us awful homos are but you don't need to keep saying that when you know damn well I'M gay and you've known for at least three years. Like for example, he wasn't happy that I could marry if I wanted to on June 26, he was more concerned about how now America is going to just allow anything to happen now and that really, honestly hurt me. My stepmom also thinks he says too much wild [&@%!] but she doesn't stop him because she says that 'men don't change'. No. Last time I checked, men are humans, even though sometimes some of the ones I know act more like pigs so they CAN change. I don't let him get away with the racist [&@%!] he says either. I can't do much because he's an authoritarian and if I say too much I'll end up getting kicked out when I haven't been able to find a job yet, but I do what little I can.

On the relationship front, I'm honestly not sure where to begin and by now the story is just so ol and tired to me that I'll paste something I told one of my friends a while ago that sums everything up in one fortress of text where I admit that I wasn't an angel when she sent me her old phone.

Spoiler:

In late June I got a random follow from someone that seemed to be pretty known in the fandom so I followed back. The first couple weeks she reacted to some of my stupider tweets [like for example, I microwaved an egg and it blew up and some got in my hair. Stupid [&@%!].] and we shared skype details. I don't remember how but we started talking sometimes after that, and one day one of her friends decided to bail and her cat died one the same day and she was upset so I cheered her up with some stuff from my greentext folder and we got closer after that. Fast forward to a little later and she wanted me to join her skype group about nasty fandom [&@%!] so I did and it was like an entire new world of friends was opened and she gave me her number while we were talking in the group while in a call and the next day we were talking in the group again and she was like call me so I did and we spent literally four hours on the phone talking about everything under the sun. Rinse and repeat for two weeks-being on the phone or texting a TON-she really enjoys my stories of the places i've been when i was a child and the [&@%!] that happens in my house like every day- being in the group chat and being productive and one night we were talking and she said that she had something to tell me. She'd told me a Lot already, things she clearly hadn't told anyone before then. About the abusive boyfriend and the crush that was leading her on and feeling like she can be herself along with all herworries and troubles and then she just comes out with "i really like you, stef" and in one second things really changed and i wasn't into her but someone was into me and she mentioned someone else that had a crush on her but she didn't really like her back but she was goign to to visit them and i didn't really catch on i don't know why but i just didn't i wanted to believe and i tried and i know why she did it. i know why she chose the other girl over me. and the reason why is going to sound so so creep but it feels like the gods meant for me to see this, meant for me to fully understand /why/ and why she was upset when i was upset

[9/23/2015 12:32:42 PM] polnaregg: she visited the other girl and they got together. she's only four hours from her so it makes more sense but at the time i was absolutely crushed it honestly felt like someone just stomped on my heart and talking about it again is really upsetting me but i know that nothing will be fully and completely resolved until i relay the entire story to someone and honestly, you're the perfect person for it because you're outside of the fandom and don't know any of these people, but while she was gone i tried my hardest to get over it but i ended up crying on the phone with her and we both cried a lot, she because she didn't want me to be upset with her and me because i just had such high hopes that got dashed, and since then i've attempted to be friends with the other girl but she's ignoring me entirely so i know i'm not the [&@%!] in this situation. it feels like the other girl got her prize so [&@%!] everyone else, particularly me, but i'm still nice to everyone because this group is honestly so important to me and i didn't want that to be the thing to tear everyone apart [what split the original group is someone having a ALL OF YOU ARE RACIST fit that made everyone [&@%!], but that's beside the group. we pretty much abandoned that group and made a new one lol] anyway, fast forward to about two weeks ago and the first girl and i are still really close it's basically like how it was minus the flirting and she sent me a package with some stuff for the dogs, an anime figure, a letter, and her old phone which i use for Love Live. She didn't have time to factory reset and I didn't because i'm lazy as hell and she's not nearly as tech savvy as you and i are. she's downright irresponsible with it actually
[9/23/2015 12:34:23 PM] polnaregg: so what comes next seems creep as hell but i honestly wasn't looking for anything bad, just clearing some stupid [&@%!]. she had the twitter app on her phone so i was going to log in with my [&@%!] but she didn't clear it so it was all there, and i gave in to the temptation
[9/23/2015 12:34:28 PM] polnaregg: i looked into her DMs
[9/23/2015 12:35:31 PM] sho me tha munny 5: anticipation
[9/23/2015 12:36:29 PM] polnaregg: and there was some juicy [&@%!] but nothing important, and then i found a conversation she had with our mutual friend and then i just...stopped and fully realized that she needs this girl as her girlfriend and she needs me there as her friend, so i felt fully okay with that for the first time in over a month

It's not really improved since then but it's not anything incredibly important. She kept leading me on but I made it Very clear that I'm no one's second choice. I don't even have feelings for her anymore. She's more like a foolish little sister to me now imo.

[Deimos]

Personal rant on life, humanity and depression.

Do i start off softly, built up to angry, and end on melancholy? Or anger, melancholy, then softness... meh lets wing it...

I joined here back 5 years ago. This may sound silly, but this place saved me, when i was in a really bad place. It distracted me. Honestly, i haven't left this "bad place" at all really. I may find myself on a small hill, then a gust of wind sweeps me off my feet and i fall down further than before.

I lost the most important person in my life. Im still [&@%!] up over her, and its been 5 years. I found out my father was a terrible [&@%!] person. My mom is just... meh. Emotionally off. Oldest siblings are the close ones. Me and my other brother are on our own pretty much. But that matters not because we have our own differences. I have one real close friend, and idk if our lifestyle choices are going to allow us to move forward together.

I left home in april last year, at 17 years old. Because i couldnt deal with my family. On my own, i failed. Badly.
I just got out of jail back in November. Spent 5 months, including my 18th birthday, in there. I learned things. About myself, life, and above all, people. The general population of this world is just full of spiteful, hateful, manipulative, insensitive, intolerant, ignorant people.

I've come such a long way in the past 5 years, more importantly, the past 5 months. And let me say one thing: where has this long path gotten me. Sure im smarter. I understand more. But i'm unhappy. Im alone.

Alone.

[all_freed]

@deimos no you're not alone. You got your brother. Work with him, there's nothing stronger if siblings got each other's backs. And i can say this for certain: lots of people screw up big time every once in a while. You're still very young believe it. There is still time to stand up again. Sometimes it just takes a great deal more to break through the clouds to meet the sun. But first you start small the build up the momentum. Make a plan with your bro.

[Musicman247]

I'm expecting a child in June. Life is changing forever.

[Aarah]

Congratulations, Mm!

Do you know what you're having, or are you letting it be a surprise?

[MARS]

He already said it's a child ;)

All the best, MM. Children are a big responsibility, and a very taxing endeavor. I hope you all have the best possible experience. (does my way of extending congratulations sound weird)

[Musicman247]

We'll find out in a couple weeks! I'll shout it from the UESP rooftops, too.

Thanks, MARS! Sounds very reasonable to me.

[Rook]

Congratulations, MM! It's great to see you around again.

Also, you're not a true UESP citizen unless you name it Dave.

[Dirty Spaceman]

Aw man, congratulations! And good luck. If you can take care of all of us juvenile forumgoers, I'm sure you'll make a fine parent!

@Rook: No, don't you remember? He's doing the one-letter-off-his-own-name thing. It's a good thing Stove is a unisex name!

[Wolfborn]

Congrats, MM! Keep us posted!

[Unionhack]

You know what that means, MM? Family band.

[Deimos]

Congrats MM! Thats got to be a blessing.
I look forward to having a bunch of lil DB Mc's runnin around myself (in about 10 years)
Congrats again man.

[BetaB17]

Musicman is about to have a Musicbaby! congrats mate