Funny/interesting pictures, events and stories

[Spelling Police]

I have that happening almost constantly for Skyrim. I guess my characters just like standing on horses.


Anyway, I was going through the whole siege of Kvatch thing the other day. Savlian Matius was being his usual weak self and getting knocked out constantly. Everything was fine until we got into the castle... And I looked at Savlian.

The guy's armor had been entirely broken and he wasn't wearing anything except for a shirt. I'd forgotten up until that point that I was using a nude version of Robert's Males. That's one way to get a reminder.

So there he was, standing inside the burning castle with his manhood dangling out. My main thought was, "Would somebody PLEASE give the man some pants?!"

I can just imagine him standing there like that, saying "Hi there." in a complete deadpan...

Recent occurrence: I came cross two Amazons (powerful enemies added by OOO) sprinting through the Cheydinhal area... being chased relentlessly by a deer. Did a double take on that one. Upon further investigation, the Amazons were running after another deer, but that still doesn't make the actions of the "rear deer" make sense. "Come back here, I want to die with you!"

More recent occurrence: I installed Ruined-Tail's Tale recently, and shortly afterward, I got in a fight with a few imps and a gargoyle (checked afterward, it was 10 levels above me). I did my best to keep my distance and keep summoning scamps (my toughest summon right now...), and it was a pretty close fight. Eventually, Ruin was unconscious, the gargoyle was almost dead, and I was at half health - i.e. low enough to get one-shotted - when the gargoyle rooted me in place with a Burden spell + Silence, and started slowly closing in. I started attacking wildly with my wimpy dagger, hoping to at least go down swinging chip off its last bit of health before it rammed me... and right when it was rearing back to attack, a lightning bolt came out of (apparently) nowhere and sent the gargoyle flying over my head. Ruin had recovered just in time. Geeking out notwithstanding, I think I'm starting to appreciate companion mods a bit more.

[Pilaf The Defiler]

Rolled another new character recently after over a year away. In the opening dungeon about halfway through at the point you choose your birth sign, Uriel was too far away to initiate dialogue, and he said "Please come closer. I'd rather not have to shout." After playing loads of Skyrim that takes on an amusing new meaning concerning the elderly Dragonborn.

[PrinceJonathan]

I have a couple. I recently started a new playthrough and decided to actually try playing seriously. Normally I'd go straight for the Chameleon Suit and start ganking things left and right. This time I played with no fast travel and the slider always on Normal (I keep getting my butt kicked by Stunted Scamps, what is up with that?!! Their physicals hit like a mack truck. Dremora Churls don't even hit as hard as them). You see a lot of weirdness when you just walk everywhere, I highly recommend it.

So I was on my way to Skingrad and it was in the middle of the night. I did not feel like turning back to Wawnet Inn, so I decided to loot Greenmead to kill time for the shops in town to open. My horse proceeded to get in a fight with an imp, and as I just stood back to watch, M'aiq the Liar ran past with no clothes on. At least I think it was M'aiq due to how fast he was running, SUPER NAKED SPEED!

On my way past Derelict Mine I found three Goblins dead in the street with no obvious explanation. I figure a Legion Patrol wiped them out, but they were all still holding their weapons. If they were killed in a fight wouldn't their weapons have been knocked loose? Whatever, free Steel Shield, Dagger, Shortsword, and War Axe for me.

Back on the road to Skingrad I end up finding Vandorallen Trebatius dead under the bridge to Castle Skingrad. I stole his wallet and then resurrected him with the console as I wasn't sure if his death would adversely affect my ability to purchase Rosethorn Hall later.

I spent the next 3 days in Skingrad dealing with Glarthir, and training at the Skingrad Mages Guild. During the night I went out into the vineyards to harvest a bunch of grapes, and tomatoes from that tomato-loving Dunmer, to make into potions. While I was harvesting, Uuras the Shepard came out of nowhere screaming "THIEF! THIEF! PUT THAT BACK!". I checked my record and it said my bounty was 0. I went and talked to a guard by the gate to verify. Sure enough "STOP RIGHT THERE, CRIMINAL SCUM!" and I had a bounty of 1 COIN!

I got that sorted out only to walk out the west gate the next morning to Davide Surilie and Reman Broder tilling the field while screaming "THIEF! THIEF!". Every time they did, my bounty went up by 1 coin to an eventual total of 67.

COUNTY SKINGRAD IS CRAZY COUNTRY!

[PrinceJonathan]

Funny thing happened just a moment ago. I had just finished the Thieves Guild Questline and was coming out of the Guildmaster's Room when suddenly Jensine appeared out of nowhere! Fathis Ules was there as well and it was around midnight.

It turns out Jensine has a AI package where twice a week she will seek out Fathis Ules for some reason (maybe it's a secret love affair XD!). In a normal game it won't run, but the UOP fixes it. But to follow Fathis into the Thieves Guild Hall, damn!

If Jensine is so comfortable being around thieves, why not make her a fence? (can you do that with console commands, like by lowering her responsibility?) She'd make a better beginner fence than Ongar.

[Daring Fieldmajor]

Alright, so I've been running Oblivion on a not-so-powerful setup for the past few days, and it's been pretty great. But something pretty crazy happened last night.

On my way over to Roxey Inn, I decided to try my luck with the Distant Landmarks setting, and, after reaching the inn and taking a nap, I reset the game. As I went outside, nothing seemed to different. The fog was still there, and the framerate hadn't suffered. So, I just shrugged it off and made my way over to Sercen, the nearest Ayleid ruin.

After slashing my way through the bandits at the tender level of 1,(Adrenaline Rush FTW!) I go to the back of the ruin, hoping to find some Welkynd Stones, which I do. Finally, after picking up all the stones I could carry, I began to make my way over to the exit. As I neared the door, I heard that same old scream, and turned around, finding myself face-to-face with a Bandit Ringleader. A second later, my Adrenaline Rush runs out, and I'm freaking out. So, I run out the door, hoping to make it to Roxey Inn before I'm disemboweled by this Warhammer-wielding maniac. But, the second I step outside, I notice something is wrong. The ground is purple. I can see everything, but the ground is purple. So, the ground looks like some sort of extraterrestrial vomit, some maniac is chasing me with extreme bloodlust, and I've got 10 health tops.

Anyway, just as I am about to reach Roxey Inn, I hear behind me that same old "YEHAH! and I prepare to accept my fate. But, nothing happens. I turn around and find a guard on horseback looking down on the dead body. Never have I been more thankful for those stupid, stupid guards.

[all_freed]

I was reading your story - which was pretty breathtaking - but my phone probably didn't load the entire post or something cause it stopped at 'But, the second I step outside, I notice something is wrong.' The end? Refresh page to find out there's more.

[PrinceJonathan]

"The ground was purple!"

Be thankful you at least HAVE ground.

Twice now I have entered areas where the ground refused to load. Once outside of Fort Urasek, and again outside Derelict Mine. Just exited and stepped out and fell into an empty void, had to tcl to stop from falling.

Although it was pretty funny floating towards Skingrad and getting to see that highwayman, who was hiding in the bushes, just walk right off the edge trying to get to me and falling into the void.

[Mauin]

"The ground was purple!"

Be thankful you at least HAVE ground.

Twice now I have entered areas where the ground refused to load. Once outside of Fort Urasek, and again outside Derelict Mine. Just exited and stepped out and fell into an empty void, had to tcl to stop from falling.

Although it was pretty funny floating towards Skingrad and getting to see that highwayman, who was hiding in the bushes, just walk right off the edge trying to get to me and falling into the void.

I had that happening repeatedly before I reinstalled Oblivion. With my first character, Sahi, the ground near Skingrad disappeared and it made getting to the city rather interesting. I walked over the edge just for the heck of it, fell down, survived, walked though the void... And then suddenly popped back up on the other side.

The only other place I've seen this happen is at Pell's Gate. Most of the ground in the place was gone, which left the building floating in mid air. I didn't stick around to see if anybody walked into it.

[PrinceJonathan]

Speaking of holes in the ground, I'm occasionally finding odd-shaped depressions in the ground.

A bit north of Fort Linchal, I think, is a big one. Just a huge square shaped hole in the ground. It doesn't look natural.

Another one is somewhere around Morahame, under the 2nd "l" in "Nibenay Valley" on the map.

I also found a tear in the ground somewhere southeast of Hackdirt, near a big rock I think. I know you can see the Chapel of the Brethren from it. I imagine it to be a rip in the fabric or reality through which some Eldritch Abomination greater than any of the Nine Divines or Daedric Princes (like the Snarl from Order of the Stick or something) is trying to enter the realm of Mundus.

Fitting it's right outside Hackdirt of all places! I REALLY HATE THAT PLACE!!!

[skullclutter]

I've had something similar happen - I was in the Market District of the Imperial city when I approached a door too fast for the collision detection and phased through the building into a grassy field. THEN the collision detection kicked in and wouldn't let me out again until I turned off the collision detection.

[Norroen Dyrd]

I'll poke yer eyes out!

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[Linkuya]

I was playing Oblivion today, and I found a new quest. It was Vaermina's deadric quest, and it's one of the most memorable I've played in a while. Vaemina wanted you to retrieve her stolen 'orb' that a mage called Arkved took from her.

Arkved's Tower



Arkved is an Altmer mage caught in a nightmare of his own creation for having stolen Vaermina's orb. You will find him in his tower south-southwest of Cheydinhal. He is asleep and will not wake up no matter what.
This is hands down one of the best dungeons in the game. It's incredibly imaginative, and it even reminded me of the creativity seen in Dark Souls. Arkved is trapped within his own nightmare, and so is his tower, hence the incredibly unusual design. It keeps you guessing (I won't spoil anything), and it's arguably my favourite dungeon in the game.

Arkved's Dungeon: 10/10

Yes, I did just review a dungeon.

[rpbraley868]

Been playing with OOO and Oblivion Xp mods, got the quest to retrieve rockshatter for the woman outside of Anvil, so i was doing pretty darn well with my level 1 warrior against the lvl 6-12 marauders until i got to the second section of the fort ruins. Ran into a marauder warlord who was wielding a big orcish glaive and had 2 archers for backup, so i hightailed it back towards the entrance with the marauders on my heels, managed to lose one of the archers at the crevice section of the dungeon but i couldnt shake the warlord.

Ran all the way the gates of Anvil saying to myself "Help me guards! Help me guards! Help me guards!". Guards pulled their bows and took a shot at the warlord then RAN AWAY. They retreated inside the city! But the warlord decided to chase them instead of me, so i followed them into the city. When it loaded the warlord killed an Anvil city guard with a single power attack, 1-hit kill. The other guard went down to half life very quickly, but thankfully he managed to get in a disarm power attack and i swiped the glaive off the ground before the warlord could pick it up again. We then managed to take down the unarmed marauder together. But it was one of the bigger "oh- ****" moments ive had.

[João Marcos]

I was playing last night, wandering the streets of Imperial City during the "Boots of Springheel Jak" quest, and I found the body of Simplicia the Slow lying on the ground. Dead. I spoke to her a few times during the Thieves Guild questline. Nice person.

[SM-Dreamer]

Traveling down the Blue Road, coming near the crossroad, admiring the setting sun over a distant IC, when I saw something in the road. I ran over to it, and it was a dead Khajiit bandit. Naked. A pair of breeches was folded nearby, with a shield, a dagger, a chunk of venison, and some garlic. As I was ogling this odd sight, another bandit (female Khajiit, topless, attacked me). No one else nearby after that. I don't know what they were doing o.O It was weird.

[Crusader's Amour]

I was doing the last Fighter's Guild mission (for the first time ever) and things got very...silly. Spoilers for the Fighter's Guild, Dark Brotherhood and main quest.

Spoiler:

I decided to let the guards help me fight the Blackwood members, so I ran outside. A guard and I tag-teamed one of the Argonians who'd gone outside, and when I went back in, Caelia Draconis was in there fighting on my side. For some reason, as soon as Rana was dead, the Khajit would inexplicably give up on being hostile, allowing me to pickpocket his key and unlock the Argonian's room upstairs. When I came out of the Argonian's room, he was right in front of me facing away, letting me pickpocket his key, but I kept dying to the boss, so I decided I needed to kill everyone else to give me room to fight the boss. Next time, Caelia died trying to help me (which was kinda sad and also would have been very convenient if I'd planned on joining the DB since she's a target for them). I took Rana's staff and killed the Khajit on the bottom floor, which got me the "your killing has been witnessed by forces unknown" message, presumably because he stopped being hostile in the five seconds between Rana dying and my hitting him. I eventually managed to kill the boss with Rana's staff because he just sort of...stopped trying to do anything and let me fireball him to death.

When Maglir showed up at the end, I decided to lure him outside to get the guards involved. Cingor then completely gave away his status as a Mythic Dawn agent by yelling "die unbeliever!" as he beat Maglir to death. I think he forgot where he was.

I later slept in the Fighter's Guild building and got Lucien's appearance. Since I didn't want to join the Brotherhood, I hit him and then the porter killed him. Some master assassin he turned out to be. And I also stole all the clothes from the corpses of the Blackwood company members for added humiliation.

[Alarra]

Today I was wandering along a bridge, and randomly found a slaughterfish flopping around on it. A really high bridge. I wonder how it got up there - it must have made a really impressive leap or something.

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[Jeelius-Tei]

I have made several wallpapers with Oblivion.

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[Norroen Dyrd]

I have made several wallpapers with Oblivion.

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These are amazing!
Since we have a separate thread for Oblivion screenshots (Photographers' Guild, in the Oblivion subforum), maybe you should consider contributing these -and any other! - wallpapers there:
http://forums.uesp.net/viewtopic.php?f= ... start=1050

[Jeelius-Tei]

I have made several wallpapers with Oblivion.

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These are amazing!
Since we have a separate thread for Oblivion screenshots (Photographers' Guild, in the Oblivion subforum), maybe you should consider contributing these -and any other! - wallpapers there:
http://forums.uesp.net/viewtopic.php?f= ... start=1050

Oh, I didn't know there was a subforum. Thanks

[Crusader's Amour]

I've done Raid on Greyland with two different characters now, and both times I ended up luring Lonavo towards Lerexus Callidus so Callidus would kill him, and both times afterwards Callidus would act like he had no idea that Lonavo was dead until I gave him Lonavo's ring. I guess the fresh corpse just wasn't enough proof.

[PrinceJonathan]

I was coming back from Fort Blueblood yesterday after fetching the Seer's Stone for Agata when I encountered this waiting for me at the gate to Leyawiin.

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Catdog meet Horsehorse

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<Officer Barbrady narrates> "Nothing to see here. Move along.

I'm still new to posting screenshots. These are my first actually. I apologize for the poor quality, it was 4am and I also have to play on the lowest resolution possible due to my piece of **** PC.

I hope to post more of my madcap adventures regularly. Provided I can hit the "print scr" button in time. I'd love to be able to capture all the times I've sent things into orbit with the Finger of the Mountain spell.

[Crusader's Amour]

I was doing A Plot Revealed for the Mages Guild.

Spoiler:

I found J'Skar and he told me about the attack on the Bruma Mages Guild. Then I asked him about "Mages Guild" and rather than mention the recent tragedy, he launched right into his normal "there's not much to do at the Bruma Mages Guild" spiel. No kidding there isn't; everyone's dead.

[PrinceJonathan]

I am the Fork of my Fondue
Curds is my body and Whey is my blood.
I have pranked over 9000 mortals,
Unaware of Rhyme,
Nor aware of Reason.
Withstood Order to create Chaos, Waiting for one's Arrival
I have no Regrets. This is the only Path--

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UNLIMITED CHEESE WORKS!!!

[Nord85]

Today I closed an Oblivion gate near Chorrol, and during the romp through the main tower I dispatched also a Xivilai. Evidently the brute was quite happy to see my character:

Spoiler: