Open letter to the author of all the books in the ES world.

[halconnen30mm]

Dear Sir

Your creative genius is undeniable. Your instinct for plot, character and dramatic tension are a joy to behold. The depth and breadth of intellectual and emotional immersion that your books have added to Skyrim, Morrowind and Oblivion are breathtaking. And your grammar is an absolute [&@%!] train wreck.

Please, god please, hire me - or someone like me - to proof and edit your copy before it is published. I could never write like you - the geyser of creativity that you bring to the page is truly awe-inspiring. That said, this evil truth must follow: your grasp of grammar is a thousand times lower than you think it is.

The glissandic, joyful anticipation of imbibing a new exotic cocktail of elder scrolls lore that is induced in my cerebrum when my character finds one of your books is invariably reduced to near ruination by the nails-down-a-chalkboard chore of mentally reconstructing your mess of butchered literary formulae and grammatical faux pas into a form that matches what you were actually trying to say.

Your intent is always contextually clear, and beautiful; the grammatical constructions in which you frame it are - roughly 50% of the time - some mutant sludge-monster whose linguistic technicalities imply something opposite, random or nonsensical. For instance, (to specify the least of your crimes against the English language) in one of your books, I would be shocked - utterly blown out of my double-enchanted dragonscale boots - to find an instance in which my previous "are" was not swapped out for "is." And I can only assume that you have no GD clue what would be wrong with that.

Please, I beg of you, set aside the ego-bruises of reading this letter. Admit, like an alcoholic on the cusp of reformation, that you have a huge GDMF problem, and Get. A. Bloody. Editor. Your writing deserves it.

sincerely, etc,


A.

- let the butthurt commence -

[Musicman247]

This has nothing to do with the Wiki, so I'm going to move it to TES General.

Also, please know that this is not the official Bethsoft forum, so I am doubtful that your message will reach its intended audience.

[halconnen30mm]

I had little to no aspirations of actually reaching my ostensibly-intended audience. I know what the U in UESP stands for.

Am a little insulted-slash-bewildered that you read a post such as this and assumed any kind of ignorance whatsoever, let alone in such an obvious aspect of the subject, as to imagine that it would be anything other than redundant to inform me that the author of the ES books probably doesn't read these posts. I just needed to express myself, and would be somewhat gratified if any fellow-users expressed solidarity with my opinion, and somewhat amused if others expressed offense.

Well, never mind.

A.

PS, it's true, a man's pumpernickel is sacred.

[Musicman247]

This was originally posted in the Wiki sub-forum even though it had nothing to do with the Wiki, so I felt I shouldn't assume anything.

[Nord85]

Well, sir, let me congratulate you for your erudite powers of expression. That being said, are you really serious about the quality of the books? Yes, there are many of them that are very well-written and entertaining, if not exactly works of a genius. But then again, there are many that are mediocre and some that are simply awful (the Wolf Queen series for example). Basically, when one is reading the a book in the latter category, when one assumes the most cynical outcome possible or a doublecross, one is 90 % of the times correct. So, the quality is quite uneven.

[Musicman247]

I see it as real-world writing. Some of the books we have are excellently written, while others are poorly written. It would be unrealistic for each book to be written as well as every other book. I actually enjoy seeing different writing styles in each book. One of my favorites to read was actually Alduin is Real, which - while poorly written - gives more insight into the thinking of the common man in Skyrim than possibly any other book.

[dzio]

I'm with Musicman on this one - some of the books are pretty great (I remember really enjoying Palla the first time I read it, for example), others not so much, but it's understandable and I don't even mind occasional typos and grammar mistakes. They make the books more real.

[Nord85]

Musicman: Yes, I concede that, and up to a point I actually see that a good thing. I think I should have expressed my view more clearly. That is, the biggest peeve I have with the TES books I called bad is that they're too obviously the work of a single author. This applies mainly to Morrowind's books. All too many books in that game have exactly the same narrative voice and style (and not even that good one), even if in-game they purportedly are from various authors.

Also, the cynicism I mentioned becomes rather jarring after a while, when every single book seems to portray the escapades of some anti-hero or another. The literature in Daggerfall, Oblivion and Skyrim is much more varied stylistically and in tone. In those games I can much more readily suspend my disbelief and see it as "real" literature of the game universe. In fact, I love to read e.g. the bestiary series of Skyrim and the city guides in Oblivion, since they are just such books one would expect to see in those provinces.

[dzio]

I completely agree about the guide books in Oblivion - in fact my only Dark Brotherhood character so far chose their author as their offering to Sithis when she was joining the faction. For this character their tone just said "this woman has to die".

[Nord85]

Well, I personally found all the Ottus family very nice people. Quite narrow-mindedly religious, yes, but friendly when meeting in person. Alessia's books gave me a good laugh, too, and also to my characters, I'd believe. Can't beat the passage describing Mirabelle Monet in unintentional comedy (speaking in in-universe sense, of course).

Speaking of city guides, the ones in Skyrim are quite good, too. Especially Amanda Alleia's City of Stone and The Code of Malacath are good reads.

[Dark Spark]

I had little to no aspirations of actually reaching my ostensibly-intended audience. I know what the U in UESP stands for.

Am a little insulted-slash-bewildered that you read a post such as this and assumed any kind of ignorance whatsoever, let alone in such an obvious aspect of the subject, as to imagine that it would be anything other than redundant to inform me that the author of the ES books probably doesn't read these posts. I just needed to express myself, and would be somewhat gratified if any fellow-users expressed solidarity with my opinion, and somewhat amused if others expressed offense.

Well, never mind.

A.

PS, it's true, a man's pumpernickel is sacred.

Purple. Very purple, man.

[Pilaf The Defiler]

Over a dozen different people wrote those books. Men and women. Some still work on ES and some do not. Don't ever assume anything when it comes to art.

[Snail's Pace]

If grammatical and typographical errors can slip through Bethesda's famously impeccable quality control, it seems reasonable that errors could make it past the editors of the mysterious in-game publishers, as well (and that's assuming that these unseen publishers have editors).

[Pilaf The Defiler]

Some alternate spellings and contradictory statements are almost certainly intentional and meant to mimic real world examples of lore\history. As for typos - they happen, unfortunately.

[lmstearn]

Planescape had thousands of typos, but because it was a good game, I loved them all.

But a glaring grammatical glitch may not engage nor ingratiate. It is clear there are many different authors.

And, bihaldan, as with the building of that mighty tome "The Bible," a measured degree of culling must be performed with a "savvy pair of loppers."
Perhaps, yet another mod: "A Complete Tamriel Books Makeover", over at http://tamriel-rebuilt.org/?p=books or http://www.uesp.net/tamriel/society/boo ... ooks.shtml?
Or an improved DLC for Vanilla with "Illustrations & Anime": I float this little thought bubble over to Bethesda: Elder Scrolls Online.

[MARS]

It should be mentioned that there isn't a single one author.

[Pilaf The Defiler]

It has been.

And thank goodness.

I like MK and some of the other better known ES authors but the books would grow tiresome very quickly if they were all in that style.