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I generally play Skyrim in English and without subtitles (because why did Bethesda go to the trouble of having all NPCs voice-acted if they meant us to read everything as in the days of Morrowind?). English is my second language, but I read and write it fluently and can converse fair enough, so I usually have no difficulty following the dialogue, but every once in a while I'll understand something completely different than what was actually being said, and the results are mostly hilarious (and sometimes a little bawdy, because that seems to be how my subconscious works).

A few examples, with the misheard word in italics and the correct one in brackets:

Ma'dran (or Ri'saad?) : "Tools, wares and women, and all at a fair price!" (weapons)
Guard: "I usually deal with petty thievery and rock'n'roll..." (drunken brawls)

And my absolute favourite:
Galmar: "... then let them die with their foreskins!" (false kings)

What about you people? Does this happen to you, too? And if so, share some of your jewels with us!

"It ain't every day we get..." "The finest weapons and armor." -- is what you'll hear if you perfectly time Alvor's greeting and reply when trading with him.

Whenever I hear any pronunciation that is slightly off to me I always mentally do a double take. I would love for my character to have the option to correct someone's pronunciation of a word, with the added bonus of it being funnier correcting someone with a mostly silent protagonist.

LugkAgumbuk wrote:Guards like rock'n'roll?

No, they arrest bards who trip too much on Fly Amanita and commit acts of public indecency while performing.

Finn Wolfshorn wrote:

LugkAgumbuk wrote:Guards like rock'n'roll?

No, they arrest bards who trip too much on Fly Amanita and commit acts of public indecency while performing.

Now I'm imagining the skyrim version of the Beatles.....

back on topic.

Dovakiin love Soul

Still can't get past the fact that the dragon word for 'blood' sounds a lot like 'sauce'.

Dark Spark wrote:Still can't get past the fact that the dragon word for 'blood' sounds a lot like 'sauce'.

Does it? That tops everything.......mmmm...blood-sauce...

"Been too long since we've have a bandit laid."

"May the Guards watch over you battles, friend!"

SarthesArai wrote:"May the Guards watch over you battles, friend!"

I'd rather they help me fight them, but hey, that's Skyrim's AI for you

Goths be praised.

LugkAgumbuk wrote:

SarthesArai wrote:"May the Guards watch over you battles, friend!"

I'd rather they help me fight them, but hey, that's Skyrim's AI for you

Good one! The comment as well.

Back when I was new to Skyrim I had the impression that the draugr were shouting "Buscopan!" (Bus Ko Pan!) - a medication used to treat abdominal pains. Unlike our own shouts it doesn't really sound like "Fus Ro Dah", does it?

And to this day I hear the chant when you approach a wordwall as "Leistungskurs, Leistungskurs!" (German for advanced/intensive course). Does anybody know what it really says?

Finn Wolfshorn wrote:Ma'dran (or Ri'saad?) : "Tools, wares and women, and all at a fair price!"

Sounds like Ma'dran - I'm not sure that you actually misheard him...

Finn Wolfshorn wrote:bards who trip too much on Fly Amanita and commit acts of public indecency while performing

oo - my next character right there.

Anyways - not strictly 'mis-hearing' as such, but:

On that Civil War mission where we are looking for the Jagged Crown, there's a bit where a metal gate blocks the path and the Imperial Lady goes "Hmm. There must be a Levver." Uh, there must be a... what?! I swear I spent a whole 5 minutes just staring at the screen going "Levver? Levver?", with the Imperial Lady walking backwards and forwards saying "Look for a Levver", before it dawned on me that 'Levver' was an American pronunciation of Lever...

*Bam. Epic Facepalm.*

Dark Spark wrote:Still can't get past the fact that the dragon word for 'blood' sounds a lot like 'sauce'.

Or that the Dragon word for Elder Scroll is "Kel", who as we all learned growing up loves Orange Soda.

I can't say I've ever miss-heard something, but that's because I ALWAYS play with subtitles on. Sometimes I just need to be quieter, other times its because I have noisy family over.

Actually, most of the time it's because I have noisy family over. Bloody kids need to learn how to use an inside voice, or by the gods, I will get the duck tape.

Children are the reason I tend to prefer Morrowind's text on screen to pretty much everything with voice acting.

Imbalance wrote:Children are the rea--

What're you lookin' at? I'm not afraid of you, ya know. Even if you are my elder.
Another wanderer, here to lick my father's boots. Good job.
Absurd that you can't get good sweet rolls in this skeeverhole of a city.

Tingz0r wrote:You're wrong, Ulfric. We need the Empire. Without it Skyrim will assuredly fall to the Dominion.

Who said that?

SarthesArai wrote:

Tingz0r wrote:You're wrong, Ulfric. We need the Empire. Without it Skyrim will assuredly fall to the Dominion.

Who said that?

Legate Rikke during the Battle for Solitude?
Seems a little... incongruous.

Lord Timster wrote:

SarthesArai wrote:

Tingz0r wrote:You're wrong, Ulfric. We need the Empire. Without it Skyrim will assuredly fall to the Dominion.

Who said that?

Legate Rikke during the Battle for Solitude?
Seems a little... incongruous.

You're right...all the other quotes are from passing dialogue. That one's from a specific event.

Obvious joke is obvious, folks. Though I would have used a quote from Elisif instead.

Butt, there is one leaf here.

Mustard jar!

Please don't eat those socks...

Rectal staple my heart to the floor...

Language warning:

Not really mishearing but for some reason I habitually refer to Giant Camps as "Elephant Camps" and CTDs as "STDs".