Mon Jul 18, 2016 3:48 am
Author's Note: This is a parody of a song from the Mel Brooks classic To Be Or Not To Be, known alternatively as "Naughty Nazis" or "A Little Peace of France." I wrote it mostly out of boredom. Hope you all enjoy.
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Naughty Nords
by Frathyn Bronsa
{The book is a play based on the life and times of General Talos Stormcrown, the man who would later become Tiber Septim, during his conquest of Tamriel in the late Second Era. The play seems to present Talos in a satirical and farcical way, as would be expected from the playwright's other works. The following is an excerpt from the play.}
ACT I
SCENE 3
[SCENE: Two Nord soldiers are standing in the war room of GENERAL TALOS. Both of them are looking over a few pieces of parchment sent from neighboring provinces.]
NORD 1: Have you heard what the foreign heralds have said about our beloved Ysmir? It's horrible! The General will be enraged!
NORD 2: Listen to these! “Talos is a monster!” “Talos is a madman!” “Talos is a maniac!”
[NORD 1 grabs the parchment NORD 2 is holding.]
NORD 1: I know! We'll hide these where the General will never find them!
[NORD 1 picks up a nearby plant from it's pot, places the papers inside the pot, then puts the plant back. From the door enters TALOS.]
NORD 1: Hail, Ysmir!
NORD 2: Hail, Ysmir!
TALOS: Hail myself! Have you seen what the foreign heralds have said about me?
[TALOS takes the papers from the pot, tossing the plant off-stage.]
TALOS: “Talos is a monster!” “Talos is a madman!”
NORD 1 & NORD 2: And a maniac!
[TALOS glares at the two NORDs, then looks at the stage.]
TALOS: What do they want from me? I'm a good leader. I'm good-natured. I'm good-looking. I'm just trying to make the world safe… For Skyrim. I don't want war! I just want peace!
[Cue music, A Little Peace of Tamriel]
TALOS:
Peace!
Peace!
PEACE!
A little piece of Dwynnen!
A little piece of Kvatch!
A little piece of Sentinel
and Orsinium perchance!
A little piece of Morrowind,
if all of it is there!
And then a piece of Daenia, Bruma
and Elsweyr!
NORDs:
Hey!
TALOS:
A… Little nip of Nibenay!
A spot of Valenwood!
A tiny hunk of Hammerfell!
I'd take more if I could!
A little bite of Wayrest,
and now for some dessert.
A hunk of Alcaire, Alinor
and Black Marsh couldn't hurt!
NORDs & TALOS:
Oh…!
A… little piece of Dwynnen!
A little piece of Kvatch!
A little piece of Cheydinhal
and Leyawiin perchance!
A little piece of Tamriel
From shore to shining shore!
Then we'll take up Akavir,
Atmora and much more!
HEY!
[The curtains close as the song ends.]
Mon Jul 18, 2016 4:32 am
Wait, so exactly how many different characters in the ES universe are Nazi parallels, then?
C0DA also makes this canon.
Mon Jul 18, 2016 4:58 am
AKB wrote:Wait, so exactly how many different characters in the ES universe are Nazi parallels, then?
C0DA also makes this canon.
I'm actually writing this as a very anti-Imperial Dunmer (House Indoril, possibly.) I don't see Talos as a Hitler parallel, but I can see how a Dunmer might think he was.