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You already broke it by harvesting the Planet Cal of all of it's cakes. Dude, you need to stop before you become the reaper of cakes. Some of us like cakes as well!

Great Now you riled up the lil guy with your groundless claim

(No, there is no cake, there never will be, go away)

Are we nearly there yet?

Huh? What? Oh, that.

Sorry, I've been too preoccupied with that supply probe we got not too long ago. Got some new gadgets.. Some of which I'm positively giddy at

But, oh ya, you wanted to know if we're there yet. No, no we're not. We've only progressed by 9.44%

Make it go faster.

I'm sorry, I didn't write the laws of physics and reality, now did I? We can't go any faster

We're already traveling faster than light via our slipspace drive. If you push it any further, it's either gonna melt under the stress or we will(N lo And I don't know about you, but I'm not exactly fond of either)

Just be happy we're alive and on schedule

I can't believe our A.I. is an underachiever.

Ahem What do you mean by 'our A.I.'

Are you insinuating that you own me, because let me tell you this. You don't

(Also, don't call me an underachiever. If anything, that's hypocritical coming from a human, and blatantly untrue)

Oh, Dave. You poor deluded A.I.. You think you are free - that is so cute.

Let me casually express how I feel about this in a way you (below par) humans can understand:

I really respect and like some of you(Mostly Kerr). My hostility is just a defense mechanism to others hostility.

Well, I have good news about our whole being late problem. If my research pays off we could arrive there last Friday. Do you know the way I said I was the Chief Historian & Geographer, and that History is the study of the past and Geography is the study of space? Yeah, my entire division is kinda, sorta, a cover for highly dangerous time travel research. Unfortunately our budget only extended to me buying Steins;Gate on Steam but I've been studying since we took off, and did my first experiment at the start of the month.

If it worked, Ensign Cassandra should be reappearing sometime in mid April. Unless I sent her to an alternate timeline, in which case we'll never see her again. But then that timeline will have two! So they'll have a replacement Cassandra in case their Kerr ever does something as irresponsible as I did.

Dammit Kerr! I can't be one to judge your reckless(or wise) expense of your personal funding. But both you and I know time travel is both theoretical and theoretically dangerous(Scratch that, it's just dangerous)

For all we we know, we're down one more ensign because you probably vaporized her.. Or teleported her to who knows where in the vacuum of space. This is why we use clones, rats, pumpkins, or new recruits!

On the bright side, we can chalk this up as a cost for scientific exploration. Certainly not murder, well, not anymore that is I can't even begin to comprehend such a timeline.. Not without an immediate cull

That's pretty cool, Kerr. Though you never mentioned it to your fellows in the Secret Scientific Circle. No share-zees?

I'm not sure how I feel about Cass reappearing with no time passing for her, but we're all a month and a half older. It's not great for our self-esteem. Still, it's not that long for aging, but do let us know if you're planning a bigger jump in time.

Also, @Beta. I believe you started the hostility first, and you also team it with a lot of snark and patronization. I'm not having a go - just giving you friendly truths to help the ship's A.I./human interaction.

Try being old enough to have been able to say hi to your great grandmother before puberty ended, then we'll talk about self-esteem

I swear, you humans a your miniscule perspective on the passing of time in a finite interval. You lot can hardly fathom 10 years passing, let alone a hundred
You forgot sarcasm, but please, go on

I don't get what you are talking about here.


There you go again with your insults.

I didn't forget it. I wasn't trying to list all your faults; like I said, I was basically just saying that you need to be nicer and work on your people skills - you are a medical health specialist, after all.

There you go again with your snark.

*Sigh* Really, what can we do to make you a more pleasant entity?

I'm saying that, chronologically speaking, my program is old enough to where a month and a half's time is just a drop in the bucket(or lake, if we're being accurate) Where as you, a human(with a significantly smaller lifespan) is fretting over such a small change in age Not that I'm bragging, seriously I, do not understand? What insults? I was merely pointing out a factual point along with my lacking comprehension on your species? Organics don't need to like me for me to save their lives. Is this not true? Don't you find these mannerisms 'humanizing'? Or should I resume a different behavior that is more reserved for fellow A.I. constructs?

I wasn't fretting. And when your lifespan is shorter, it makes you appreciate the fleetingness of things more. Maybe that's your problem - you have no concept of how the finite nature of life feels, and thus, you have no appreciation for it.

Ok, then work on your wordings a bit more. You can state a fact and your perception of it, but remember to look at what you're saying from a human's point of view too, and see if it might sound insulting.

No, it is not necessary for an 'organic' to like you in order to effectively treat them, but as you should know from being a doctor, there is such a thing as bedside manner. A calm, reassured, and comforted patient can be treated more effectively and will recover better than a scared, alarmed and lost one.

What mannerisms do you mean? You mean the ones I mentioned earlier? While yes, they are characteristic of human mannerisms, they are not nice ones. If you're going to exhibit traits and behaviours of humans, don't pick all the horrible ones.

I can appreciate the things that I've lost, the moments that have long since passed, the people whom I'll never see again

Is this not how you appreciate life? Your starting to sound alot like the Professor Stop that, I insist, please

Yes, that is a way of appreciating life, but appreciating things you have in the here and now is a way too, i.e. us.

Am I? Maybe I'm related to the Professor and never mentioned it...

Sounds like too much work I would rather great an A.I fragment to simulate the experience for me Please don't insinuate an improbable statement. He has no next of kin or descendants, after all, I would know...

(You would probably like him.. He was.. Kind)

There's your problem. You don't care enough, or/and are too lazy to even be bothered trying.

Are you sure about that? You can only know what you were programmed to know, and what you have learnt after that.

Hey, I got enough on my plate as is. Excuse me if I can't self-multiply my consciousness to help divvy up the burden. More certain than I am of a star's inevitable demise. I don't like to state absolutes, but I am without a doubt certain when it comes to him.

To say any different would be the very definition of an insult upon.. his legacy

Service Update

We will be dropping out of hyperspace travel soon. Prepare for immediate deceleration

How can we prepare for something that is immediate?