UESP Forums

These monthly competitions are a chance for you to demonstrate your creativity and talents while getting a chance to know your fellow members and have a little fun. Each month is going to have a different theme and a different talent – and maybe a surprise or two! But only one member can wear the purple coins and fancy title of CotM Winner! Do you have what it takes?

The basic rules are as follows:


Ah, June! It's starting to look a lot like Summer! Or Winter. There's today's Northern Hemisphere Chauvinism, out of the way. Well, whether it's getting warmer or cooler, it's a time for happiness, a time for laughter! It's time for the June CotM! This month's CotM will hopefully be a lot of fun for everyone: Participants will create a strongly TES themed, lore-friendly joke (as in, it must be a joke that could be told by one inhabitant of Tamriel to another) and the one that voters find to be the funniest shall prevail!
A good place to find inspiration comes from the famed author Butha Sunhous, in his Daggerfall-era compendium of TES-themed Jokes!

Our schedule for the June event is as follows:
June 2: Competition begins! Start planning and send in those submissions!
June 26 - 29: Voting period – vote for your favorites!
June 30: Our winner is announced!
Please note that all times are determined by me, Avron the S’wit Elteekins! <3, and therefore will run according to GMT -5/Eastern Standard Time. (Click here if you’re unsure when, exactly, that is!)

Remember that the CotM is not possible without you, so please participate, contribute, discuss, and vote!



(This fun event is hosted by the mod team. If you have any questions, feel free to ask them within this thread or by sending us a PM by selecting the appropriate button below any of our signatures. Have some suggestions on what you'd like to see? Head over to the ideas thread and join in on the discussion!)

I'll kick it off with a terrible joke.

A female Argonian walks up to a handsome male Argonian and says, "Have I got a tail for you!"

^

I'm guffawing like a fool at that one, Archer. XD

Thanks I actually adapted it off of an old joke my dad told me once.

Hmm. Have a lovely pun, but I need to polish the set-up...

From Cyrodil came two imperial bandit brothers, who grew up to become master thieves, saboteurs, master of disguises and all around ladie’s men womanizers. They joined neither guild of thieves or assassins, preferring only instead to hop around from bandit crew to bandit crew. When denied their take or not enough, they would team up together and make a mockery of the crew which almost always left the crew disbanded and in shackles, sending several bandit criminals to the dungeons and jail cells of varies cities and towns. Oh sure the brothers left each bandit crew angry, and even more became most weary. But the brothers would constantly change their identity, their true face always a mystery. Over time their legend grew, and many tales of drama they did brew. Their greatest conquest was of the fair Maiden Leilah, and left her as the deflowered Imperial Legion Commander’s daughter. Ever since they couldn’t help but laugh and giggle, even in the face of death which they somehow out-wiggled.

So confident they became in their wit, that they challenged the Grey Fox and called him a Git. This in turn became the beginning of the end, for the Grey Fox himself could reality bend! A plan was devised and yet we can only surmise but eventually it was enacted. Taking a reading from The Locked Room, the decision was made to recreate that lock. Only the lock was for no door, but a set of shackles we hope to see once more. From Master Thieves and with two keys, the iron shackles were created, and then from there, a challenge made. The brothers were challenged to wear these shackles and the first to break free would win Leilah’s hand. When they brothers heard of the challenge, they laughed and sang and upped the stakes, for they would accept this challenge only when both were drunk. Intoxicated with the ale, they met the man on the hill. He cuffed the two together, and told him this was how they would remain forever. The boys laughed and thought they could pick the lock. Both were master locksmiths, and both had gotten out of similar debacles before.

However the man said they would need the key, and that there were only two. One was around his neck, the others he left in the flowers of blue. So confident were the brothers that they kicked away the key. The man secretly smiled at the brothers, and to the Imperial city guard tower he fled. The bandits confidence soon turned sour, as they failed to free themselves hour by the hour. Eventually the sun turned to clouds of rain, and the brothers’ stomach growled in pain. They searched high and low but they couldn’t find the key, yet they both smiled, with one new trick they could be free! They disguised themselves only once more, both as prisoners of the war. To the Imperial City Guard Tower they went, and had all but one convinced as they wept. They spun a grand tale, of how they were strapped and bound, until finally shackled and tethered all around. The lone guard said they were pathetic, and they couldn’t outmatch The Brothers of Havoc. This was the name you see given to the Brothers of their Prime, and the man praised the brother’s for their many crimes. He posed only as a friend, in a lone cell, and that’s when both brothers began to tell their tale. When they got to Leilah, they laughed and giggled, and then laughed even harder at the Thieves Guild Master.

When the tales were finished, the man was impressed. He then took out the second and last key. As he reached his hand out to them for them to take it, he instead threw it in a cell. The brothers wailed and yelled, and ran into the cell to take the key. That’s when they heard the slamming of the door and a click, for they were now trapped you see. And that’s when they saw it, the Illusion began to falter. For they had admitted to all their wrong doings in front of all the guard and Leilah’s father. As for the key in the cell, it was a fake and melted away, for the real one now was on a hook and out of the way. As for the man who trapped them there, he was paid a hefty sum. Then while out on the waterfront, and away from everyone, he removed his hood and revealed his mask, for the Grey Fox had the last laugh!

I'm going to play off what seems to be a theme in TES.

Good one chaps^_^

I just remembered a good one>_> I was originally planning on using it as a riddle for a thread..

Are people only doing jokes?

My entry is still in the making.

Ahh, so yes. Gods I'm terrible at jokes so I'll wait for the next competition. Good luck everyone!

So am I but like it hurts to try>_<

Maybe participating in the Competition of the Month will help me do forums a bit more.

Haha, simple yet elegant, Imp.

Nice one Imp.

Here is my entry.

Hahahaha! These are good!

I'll try to do one too:

Brought to you by the Sons of Skyrim

Haha these are incredible. I must think of one.

Those are brilliant.

My attempt:

This competition needs a knock knock joke.

See, I would have never thought of that. I consider myself funny, but not like making jokes, more of just in the moment things.